Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Polar vortex? Black hole?


This polar vortex version 3.0 has really gotten me down. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude, my wacky sense of humor, trying to keep moving forward, telling myself that I have no control over the weather and life, but I can control how I feel. I'm trying. I really am.



But I've been hit hard with some really stressful situations the last couple of weeks. Over the past weekend, I felt myself sliding into what I can only describe as a "black hole". My mood was dark and I couldn't shake it off. A long run in the cold, bitter wind on Saturday did nothing to improve my attitude. As a matter of fact, I felt worse when I finished, which is a rare, unheard of event following a run. It probably didn't help that I was frustrated by the failure of my mile tracker (this time I used Endomondo) and had to keep stopping my run to restart it. Later, I went to dinner with my family to celebrate my parents birthday. I couldn't get into the conversation. Later, my mom and my sister asked me if something was wrong and I just said I was feeling really grumpy. I shared with them some of the events of the past couple of weeks and they were shocked, telling me I should call them to talk about it.

They're right, of course, but I hate to bother people with that stuff. I'm the fixer, the one who helps people and it's hard to switch roles. I hate feeling like this. I'm the "suck it up" kind of person.  I've been trying really hard to push myself, to keep on keeping on. In my mind, I see myself clawing at the walls of this black hole to climb out. So far I've been doing ok. I've been talking more about how I'm feeling with my family and friends, which is helping. I always tell my patients who are experiencing anxiety to talk about it, that we know talking about it helps. I need to take my own advice!



I continue to run and cross train. Truly, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't run. I take it outside as much as has been possible this horrible winter. I'm trying to stay positive. Laughing a lot at the absurdities of life.

This morning I heard birds singing, even though it is bitterly cold. The sun is shining. It has to get better right?

Oh...and I bought a Garmin. One less thing for me to stress about on my long runs.

I'll be ok. I will. Thanks for letting me whine here.

Anyone else feeling the winter blues? What do you do to stay positive when you feel blue?

10 comments :

  1. Blah I so get this. This winter isn't helping, is it? Are you taking Vitamin D3? It helps me a ton. Ok we need to run sooner than later. When it's above zero though. Haha! Yay for Garmin. Hope you like it.

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    1. Sooner is right! Hello Mother Nature, are you listening?

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  2. I think so many people are starting to wear down with this winter. Hopefully you'll be getting a break sometime soon (spring HAS to come!). In the meantime, keep up the running b/c I am sure it helps, even when it doesn't feel like it.

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    1. You are so right. I hate to think what I'd feel like if I didn't run!

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  3. Thank you for writing this. You captured exactly how I have been feeling. The Black Hole? YES!! It's so rare, I ever wake up and feel discouraged about life and running, but lately I don't even want to run. There has even been a few moments I have thought about pulling out of Cleveland. We just need to keep strong, remember why we run and know it has to end soon. Right? I hope!

    You know what they say about Garmin's? Once you go Garmin, you never go back. ;)

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    1. It's been bad! But I learned today, by posting this, that misery loves company. And I'm in good company...a lot of us are feeling the same. At work too, people have just had it. But it was sunny..:)

      I've never heard that saying about the Garmin...but I'm sure it will be my new favorite thing!

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  4. OMG, I'm right there with you. Last week was particularly bad. It's rare that I am unmotivated for a workout but last week I just couldn't give a rats ass about getting out of bed. I actually DREADED my gym workout. That never happens in my life. Ever. I'm so over this winter...but if I have to look in the bright side, it may be a frozen tundra out there but at least the sun in shining. That is always a plus.

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    1. Yes, the sun was bright and beautiful. That made it a little better...glad I'm not the only one feeling this way!!

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  5. I just saw something on CNN today that the Misery Index across the country is high. I know my misery index is at an all time high. I'm over cold. I'm over winter. Let's just suck it up, go for a run and know that this too shall pass....eventually!

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    1. No surprise! I saw a lot of miserable people today at work...but at least we have running, right?

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