Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Mood swinging


I've been doing pretty well, dealing with my injury, for the most part. I've been trying to stay positive, finding activities that I can do within the restrictions of no weight bearing on that foot, even spectating at the race I was forced to DNS. My foot has been feeling better. With the holiday weekend bearing down on us, I called my sports med doctor to see if I could get my xray this Friday, hoping to get out of the boot by the weekend. I have been entertaining thoughts of waterskiing, wakeboarding, and yes...running.

Dr. Sport came to see me in my office. When I told him my thoughts, he frowned. "Are you still having pain?", he asked. I admitted to a small amount of pain on occasion. He shook his head and told me no chance of getting out of the boot this week. "Maybe next Friday", he said, "if you are having no pain". He reminded me that I needed to let it heal sufficiently, blah, blah, blah, you ran on it while it was broken, blah, blah, blah, don't you want to get better, blah, blah, blah.

My face got all hot and flushed, and I felt tears rush into my eyes. I started fanning my face, to prevent the waterfall of tears that were threatening to overflow. Dr. Sport asked me if I was ok, and I shook my head. We talked a little more, I tried to joke about needing prozac, and about being a difficult patient. The tears never came, and made plans for me to see him next week. 

That smile I had been wearing earlier in the day, the good mood...poof! Gone in an instant. Replaced by sadness and a dark mood. It's always shocking how quickly things can turn around, isn't it? And I couldn't shake it off, although seeing some funny kids for their annual physicals and laughing at some of the stuff they said to me definitely helped me to feel better.


Last night, after watching my son score a touchdown in his final 7-on-7 football game (which they won), I finally laid in bed and stretched out. My hip is starting to hurt from wearing the boot, and it felt good to lay flat. I commented to my husband that it was funny how all the men at the football game kept asking me if I broke my foot on my "husband's ass" (sorry for the crudeness, but that is the word they used). I asked him what they meant by that. He responded by saying he wasn't sure but next time I should tell them I broke it "kicking him in the nuts".  OMG. I cracked up. I won't describe the mental image I had after that comment! Sometimes my husband says the most random, funniest things.

I woke up this morning, feeling a little better, and looking forward to the long bike ride I had planned. It rained overnight, I waited a little for the pavement to dry. No need to chance another injury. My youngest son, who is normally a ray of sunshine, came down from his bedroom in a foul mood. He was wearing his older brother's pants, and when I asked him why, he bit my head off. He said none of his pants fit, he has to wear pants today because he's in the finals for the graduation speech, and he missed the bus. 

As if all of this were my fault, right? So much for feeling sorry for myself this morning! Now I have to boost him up! Last night he was on top of the world! How quickly things change. I got him to school, told him to turn his frown upside down, and to do his best at the speech finals. Man, I hope he shakes it off! And I hope he gets picked to give the graduation speech.

I reflected on this as I prepared for my bike ride, hoping that I could shake it off too. The sky was overcast as I left the house, but after a couple of miles, the sky started to clear and the sun came out. I headed to my forest preserve path. My goal was 20 miles this morning. My legs felt good and the miles flew by. There is a point on the path, a 3 mile circle, which I can travel around as many times as I want to get the miles in. I found myself doing what I do when I run...calculating time and miles in my head, and I decided to do an extra loop for time today, because I wanted to ride for 90 minutes. I've found that with cycling, you have to go longer and farther to get that feeling you get from a good run. 


Not bad! I'm so close to 15 mph. Always the competitor. I'm thinking about getting real bike shoes and pedal clips. I hear that makes you a faster rider.

I feel the need, the need for speed!

But what about the mood? I don't feel euphoric, as I have after my rides last week. I do feel better. 

Just trying to stay positive.

13 comments :

  1. Wendy you're such a trooper! Having your hopes dashed like that sucks in every way. SO hard to keep a positive attitude so don't feel bad for feeling bad. Ha! I found the endorphin buzz comes more quickly with pool running. I've had to do more than my share of that.If you have access to a deep water pool, I have a flotation belt you can use. I haven't bitten the bullet on pedals/shoes yet either. #2peasinapod

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    1. You make me smile! :) I may have to resort to deep water running, but as long as the weather holds out, my bike is my best friends for now!
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  2. Yes! Get shoes and clipless pedals! They do help a ton and they aren't scary :)

    Don't you wish you had someone to turn your mood around like you did for your sons? Sometimes I feel like that is what I spend a lot of my time doing. And hey, I bring it on myself. And friends do do it for me sometimes too. But, sigh. LOL!

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    1. I completely agree! Sometime its hard to pick yourself up. Today my co-workers did it for me. You just never know who will be there for you!

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  3. Beware, Wendy....Once you go the route of pedal clips and shoes.... You will never ever go back....

    And breakdowns make way for breakthroughs. Positivity is nice and there is definitely a place for it, but honestly, in my experience in the end meltdowns & breakdowns take you farther. Don't be too hard on yourself if you are not so positive all the time. (Seriously. It's EXHAUSTING being positive all. the. time.) You've been sidelined and it SUCKS. But always remember just because something is a certain way today does not ensure it will be that way tomorrow.

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    1. Oh Tahira....this is just what I needed to hear!

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  4. You are such an amazing inspiration, not letting this injury completely sideline you. Allow yourself those tears, that downtime, and the less then stellar feelings...it's these times that makes us stronger. I am so proud of you. xo

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    1. Thanks so much Michelle...you know how tough this is, having "sole sisters" is getting me through it!! <3 <3 <3

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  5. Ack, sorry you got bad news from the doctor! No one can be positive all the time, even when things are going well. And injuries suck for runners - we are so type A! Cycling is fun though and it's great that you are using this opportunity to push yourself in a different sport. All my friends use clip less pedals but I am so scared to try! If you do, make sure you post about it and maybe you will inspire me :) Have you thought about pool running as well until the foot is better?

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    1. Thanks for your kind support! A few friends have suggested pool running, but I haven't tried it. I think it looks boring...but I know its supposed to be a good workout! If I couldn't get out on the bike, for sure I'd give it a try!

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  6. I feel your pain my friend, despite not being in a boot. I was scheduled two half marathons this coming week which was totally doable had my calf been healthy. I deferred one and dropped down to the 10K for Zooma. Heading to Chicago to run Ragnar with Karen soon too, but made the decision to take the entire month off after Ragnar to really rest my calf in prep to start marathon training. VERY tough decision, but we need to keep in perspective that we want to run for a lifetime not just right now, right?! It will come, for both of us!!

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    1. You are so right! It's just so hard to be sidelined.

      I can't wait to hear about Ragnar! I considered it, but it is one race my husband actually protested! He rarely says anything about my running, so I agreed. My heart wasn't set on it anyways..

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  7. Hang in there, Wendy, I hope it won't seem long before you are out of that boot!

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