Sunday, November 23, 2014

Sunday long run


Even though I do love to run fast, my favorite run of all is the LSD (the long slow distance). There really is nothing better than lacing up my shoes, putting in my headphones, and heading out the door to run 8, 10, 12 miles, at my own pace. No time goals to meet, no where to be, just me and the run. I do a lot of thinking on these runs, try to solve my problems, sort out things I'm worried about, and sometimes just lose myself in my music and go.

Today's long run wasn't one of those runs. To start with, the weather was a little dicey. It was warm, yes, 50 degrees, but the sky was overcast and there was a threat of rain. It was also windy. I decided to run to the retention pond and back for a nice 8 mile loop. I was a little apprehensive about running there after last week's incident where a woman runner was grabbed. I figured that because of the nice weather, there would be a lot of people there, and so I didn't feel too concerned.

If only I could run as fast as Mo, no one would be able to catch me! Do you think he worries when he runs?
As I started to run, I realized how tired I felt, and made the decision to take it slow. My legs and glutes were sore from the 10k rowing I did yesterday. I've also been having issues with insomnia the past couple of weeks. About a mile into my run, it started to rain. Hard. A little rain doesn't bother me, and so I kept going. But when I got to the retention pond, the path was pretty empty. I kept going, but kept looking over my shoulder. Being hypervigilant really wasn't relaxing, and I found myself pushing my pace, just to get around the 2 mile loop and finish that part of my run. There was a guy running behind me, and I didn't want to risk him catching me, "just in case" he was "the guy". I kept looking over my shoulder. What an awful feeling!

I started thinking about my week, and realized that part of my paranoia was also related to an incident that I had at work on Friday. I was threatened by a patient's mother last week. I can't go into specifics, but I had to file a report with the police, and that made the whole thing scary and real for me. Knowing that it is easy to find someone's information on the internet also made me feel unsettled. While I'm not in panic mode about this, running alone in an isolated place, where there have been some scary incidents definitely made me feel more vulnerable.


Then I started thinking more about work, and some unfulfilled promises that were made to me by management this fall. I work in an incredibly busy clinic, and I joke that we should start each morning by blasting Guns and Roses' Welcome to the Jungle. As a matter of fact, it's on my running playlist, and every time I hear it, I think that. Everyone works hard there, but at times, I feel dissatisfied with my role as an NP in the clinic. We see more patients than the doctors do, and there is pressure to see more. Promises made and then taken back. I guess I'm feeling a little underappreciated these days. Add to that the threatening incident last week and I'm wondering if it is all worth it...

I finished my run at the retention pond and headed home. When I finished my run, 8.5 miles, I didn't have that sense of calm and peace that I usually feel when I go out for a long run. Instead, I felt tired. Some days are like this, I guess. I didn't find any answers on the run today, but I did get a long run in. And that's always something to feel good about, no matter what else is going on. Writing this and reading it made me realize that ultimately, I do love the long run!


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I'm linking this post up with Tara at Running n' Reading for her Weekend Update!





22 comments :

  1. Boo! This post made me tense just reading it. I can't imagine how you felt living it. I hope this week is better at work for you and that you find the calming run that you deserve! Oh and the Freddy Krueger picture is hilarious but totally the feeling I can give myself once I let my brain escape while running!

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    1. Yeah, when I read it, I think, how did I get through this? But thanks to the strength I get from pushing through tough runs, I was able to push through the bad day. That and my sense of humor...which never seems to leave me. Even at the most inappropriate moments, it's there...

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    1. It was warm today...but has been bitterly cold all week.

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  3. Good job getting through it! And I love the quote.....

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    1. Thank you! I love that quote too. Kristin Armstrong has a lot of good ones!

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  4. I hope you have a better a week! I love long runs too!

    I too have insomnia, so I take Melatonin every night during the week. It really helps me (though I've heard it doesn't work for others), worth a try though, if you haven't already.

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    1. Me too! I may have to re-try melatonin. It's been a few years since I've had problems with insomnia...it may be worth a try again! :)

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  5. Holy crap! You were threatened at work? oh geez, I can't even imagine. Stressful for sure. It's the 'not so great' runs that help us appreciate the good ones more, right?

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    1. It was really unnerving, that's all I can say!! I'm a little nervous to go back today...people are crazy.

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  6. Oh my, sounds like you've had a really stressful few days, and weeks. Great work on the run though and here's hoping you get some much needed rest and peace of mind in the days ahead! Visiting from the weekend update linkup!

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  7. Wendy, I've been thinking about your recent "incident" during my runs lately, too; it's good to be aware, but I don't want it to take away the enjoyment of my run, like you've mentioned. Ugh. Why can't people just leave us alone? :) I wish I could give you some hugs right now, so I'll just send that thought to you; I can only imagine what you deal with at work. I know it's tough feeling alone in your efforts and not receiving the support you need; take care of you.

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  8. I love LSD runs too!! Glad you made it through safe!

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    1. Me too! Looking forward to the next one, too! :)

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  9. I have always hated my LSD but I think it was because even those runs had a pace associated with them. Hoping once I heal completely from injry that I can run those LSD just to run. But yeah be careful out there!!!

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  10. Great job on your long run. I like doing those kind of runs as well when there is no goal pace and you just run because. I ran 11 yesterday on a trail by myself and it was kind of scary. I like when I have a running buddy with me during these times. -L

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    1. When I did my 18 miler for marathon training, I did it all on the trails alone, and yes, it was kind of scary! But I still love the long run.

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  11. Sorry to hear things are going well at the clinic. I know exactly how you feel. I absolutely hate my job right now. While I love what I do as a nurse, the management in our unit SUCKS and makes me dread going to work every single time. I hate that. I hope things get better!!

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    1. I knew you'd get it...once a nurse, always a nurse. Ugh.

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