Even though I do love to run fast, my favorite run of all is the LSD (the long slow distance). There really is nothing better than lacing up my shoes, putting in my headphones, and heading out the door to run 8, 10, 12 miles, at my own pace. No time goals to meet, no where to be, just me and the run. I do a lot of thinking on these runs, try to solve my problems, sort out things I'm worried about, and sometimes just lose myself in my music and go.
Today's long run wasn't one of those runs. To start with, the weather was a little dicey. It was warm, yes, 50 degrees, but the sky was overcast and there was a threat of rain. It was also windy. I decided to run to the retention pond and back for a nice 8 mile loop. I was a little apprehensive about running there after last week's incident where a woman runner was grabbed. I figured that because of the nice weather, there would be a lot of people there, and so I didn't feel too concerned.
|If only I could run as fast as Mo, no one would be able to catch me! Do you think he worries when he runs?|
I started thinking about my week, and realized that part of my paranoia was also related to an incident that I had at work on Friday. I was threatened by a patient's mother last week. I can't go into specifics, but I had to file a report with the police, and that made the whole thing scary and real for me. Knowing that it is easy to find someone's information on the internet also made me feel unsettled. While I'm not in panic mode about this, running alone in an isolated place, where there have been some scary incidents definitely made me feel more vulnerable.
Then I started thinking more about work, and some unfulfilled promises that were made to me by management this fall. I work in an incredibly busy clinic, and I joke that we should start each morning by blasting Guns and Roses' Welcome to the Jungle. As a matter of fact, it's on my running playlist, and every time I hear it, I think that. Everyone works hard there, but at times, I feel dissatisfied with my role as an NP in the clinic. We see more patients than the doctors do, and there is pressure to see more. Promises made and then taken back. I guess I'm feeling a little underappreciated these days. Add to that the threatening incident last week and I'm wondering if it is all worth it...
I finished my run at the retention pond and headed home. When I finished my run, 8.5 miles, I didn't have that sense of calm and peace that I usually feel when I go out for a long run. Instead, I felt tired. Some days are like this, I guess. I didn't find any answers on the run today, but I did get a long run in. And that's always something to feel good about, no matter what else is going on. Writing this and reading it made me realize that ultimately, I do love the long run!
I'm linking this post up with Tara at Running n' Reading for her Weekend Update!