There were some workouts and runs this week. But most of my workouts were mental, as I navigated post-hospital care and rehab for my mom. The plan to take her home with 24 hour care was postponed, as we realized that it was unrealistic due to my mom's condition, as well as my father's behavior while at the rehab facility.
It's been...a week.
Weekly Rundown:
I wanted to get to the rehab facility early on Monday to deal with the fallout from my father's behavior overnight (see below). I also wanted to be available for my mom's therapy evauations, so I took to the TM for the 12/3/30 workout, except I sped it up to 3.5. May have to do either 4.0 or 45 minutes next time!
On Tuesday, I had to push myself out the door at 6:30 am. I wanted to get on the trails--I missed them while I was away. I had a limited time frame for this run. I had to get back to the rehab facility for my mom, so I chose to run at the east preserve, where I knew I could get 5 miles and some deer sightings. I wasn't disappointed. This was another strong run. On one section, I did an out-and-back to get more miles and stopped running to turn around. Another woman ran towards me and said, "You got this", which made me smile even though I wasn't struggling. It did motivate me to run without stopping, though!
I've been missing the gym, and receiving a text message from SJ this week, asking me about where I've been, just made me miss it more. But my need to get sleep and to get to the rehab facility early has taken priority. If and when things settle down, I'm planning on going to 6 am CrossFit twice weekly. I'll miss my auxiliary strength classmates, but that class is at 9:45, a luxury of time that I don't have right now.
Instead, I've leaned into running every other day. You'll notice that I'm not running long distances, and my trail time has also been restricted--traveling to the preserve takes precious time I don't have right now. So it's out the door to the bike path or around my neighborhood, which is what I did on Thursday. I started out fast, but after 2 miles, I struggled to catch my breath. There were walk breaks after that. I later learned that the air quality was rated poor. That made me feel much better, lol.
At my sisters' suggestion, I took a day of respite on Saturday. While I felt a little guilty not going to see my mom, I needn't have worried. The part-time caregiver who was caring for my mom before her fall offered to return to help my dad; my sister had her split her time between my dad and my mom. I'm sure my mom was happy to see her! So after a leisurely morning while I waited for it to warm up a bit, I headed over to the preserve to get my shoes muddy. With nowhere to be, I took my time and was rewarded with a great run! No, I didn't see any deer, but there were a lot of birds singing. In one section of the woods adjacent to the lake, I noticed a tree with many big nests and multiple large birds. After studying it for a while — I really need to bring my binoculars — I realized it was what is called a 'colony nest' of blue herons. There must have been at least 10 nests. Now I know where they live.
I mostly had the single tracks to myself, and with the bright sunshine, I really enjoyed the trip around the preserve. There were lots of mud and fallen logs to traverse. I crossed all the creeks without falling in. My legs felt light, and I felt strong. When I finished, I felt like a new person and ready to tackle the challenge ahead of me.
Off the road...
There's a scene from The Simpsons Movie where, after a terrible chain of events, Bart tells Homer that he had the worst day of his life. Homer tells Bart, "The worst day of your life so far". I can't find a better quote to fit my current situation. It was a good reminder that no matter how bad things get, it can always get worse! Humor always helps me. My husband says I could write a book after the week I've had. I won't go into detail--use your imagination, if you want. I keep wishing it was just a bad dream that I could wake up from.
My mom is improving, physically, much faster than I thought. She is still having some significant pain, but since she was strong before the fall, she is able to move through her exercises pretty well. Her confusion has increased while being in the facility, something that is totally understandable. For the most part, she is her pleasant self. I've been visiting her every morning and staying through the afternoon. I love the mornings most of all. After getting her ready for the day, they sit her in the lounge, and when she sees me coming down the hall, we wave to each other. I have absolutely enjoyed this time with her. My old nursing skills have been dusted off, and I transfer her easily from bed to wheelchair, to the toilet, and to the recliner in her room. I enjoy feeling her arms around me as I assist her to standing and then to sitting. She requires a great deal of reminders when transferring her, and I am having to remind her less.
If it were just my mom that I had to worry about, I could manage all this on my own. But my dad, as he does, and I've mentioned this before, made this all about himself and created a lot of drama. After placing my mom in the rehab facility, his behavior continued to decline. He twice attempted to remove my mom from the rehab facility during the night. He was rude to the staff, and even though he has calmed down, they are understandably wary of him. When the original discharge plan to take her home was canceled, he went bonkers. He aggressively confronted me multiple times. He asked to have me removed as POA. He also begged me to take time off work to continue to help my mom. He became irrational. I worried he was having a mental breakdown.
My dad can be difficult. But this was a side of him I had never seen before. I reached out to my sisters and asked them to come home. Thankfully, they did. We also enlisted our geriatric care manager, who was a huge help, as well as the therapist he has been seeing.
The facility had a 'care plan meeting', which is when they discuss planning for my mom to go home. My dad didn't want to attend, but we convinced him, reminding him that he needs to be involved. He had no questions when asked, but had plenty of complaints after the meeting concluded. I have also made him attend my mom's PT sessions to give him a sense of how much work my mom needs to do before she can be discharged. I fully admit that her physical decline since the fall had also surprised me, and the amount and quality of therapy she is receiving at the facility is far superior to what she would have received at home. After all my time in healthcare, it's hard to wow me, but live and learn.
My dad continues to ask when she can come home, and we are being deliberately vague with him so that he won't be disappointed if her discharge is delayed. We are also prepping him to have realistic expectations of what my mom will be able to do once she gets home. His denial of her dementia and now her injury has been epic, but he is beginning to show some understanding. He has behaved better since my sisters have been home, but I worry about him regressing again when they leave. On Friday, we saw some of his behaviors return. I guess 86 years of habits are hard to break. My youngest sister, who is a therapist/social worker, continues to work with him to help him process and accept my mom's conditions.
Unfortunately, after all the events of this week, I had to take an LOA/FMLA from my job to be available for my parents. My manager has been very understanding, as he has a father with Alzheimer's. Mentally, I am just drained. I am trying to protect my mental health by setting boundaries with my dad, keeping my main focus on my mother. I am making sure I get to have dinner with my husband, play with Cocoa, run, read books, and sleep in my bed--all the things that allow me to recharge and keep me grounded.
How was your week? Have you had to plan care for your parents? Do you take time for yourself even when you are busy? Do you use humor to cope with a difficult situation? I'd love to hear from readers who have been through a similar situation.
And yes, I will have book reviews for March. The post will be up on Tuesday, March 31.
Oh Wendy, this is all so very hard. I am glad you could take FMLA. That’s what it is there for and I am glad your manager is understanding. It would be hard to manage caring for you parents on top of caring for patients and - most importantly - caring for yourself! It’s just too much! I am glad you are forming boundaries. And I am glad your sisters could come home. I hope things start to improve but it sounds like an incredibly trying situation, especially with your dad’s behavior. Humor is so so important!! I would be using it to deal with the situation, too.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Lisa. I'm really struggling with the weight of the whole situation right now. It's incredibly overwhelming. I'm grateful for running and for my husband, my family, and my pup, all who have been keeping me grounded.
DeleteYou know all too well what I went through with my parents. Also the amount of driving I had to do. I’m not gonna lie, that whole decade of my life aged me. A lot.
ReplyDeleteThe elderly lose strength so quickly. :( My parents were damn strong, but it still happens.
I’m sorry for everything your who,e family is going through, Wendy. Give yourself grace. Having a day off was important.
Someday you will look back on this time & you’ll know you did everything you could to be there for your parents. It won’t take away sadness, but it’ll be sone small comfort to know you were there.
Big hugs, my friend.
It is so hard to watch and deal with our parents declining. I keep reminding myself it is a blessing to have them live longer and be able to attend family events like weddings etc. I’m also trying to imagine how I will feel at their ages and stages (if I am lucky enough to live that long). Nonetheless, it is very frustrating at times. I am sorry that so much of your parents’ health decisions are falling on you at the moment. My dad is also dealing physically so much and he is so stubborn about everything. I concur, 86 year old men are not the easiest. Hugs to you
ReplyDeleteWendy,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you're dealing with this, but glad your sisters came home for a bit. It's tough. We are down to one parent and at 93 he's a hand full. Les' sister has the medical knowledge (she's a vet), his brother takes care of the finances, and we do a lot of the running him around. We're learning to roll with whatever the day brings. Les' dad is still mobile, but declining and our time in Tennessee is close to 100% at this point. (I'm embracing the weather challenges!)
Continue to take care of yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally, it's the only way to survive.
Oh, Wendy, that does sound like a rough week — I’m glad you can keep your sense of humor. Sometimes that’s the only way to get through it — that and a few good runs.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like your mom is getting good care at least. I’m glad to her her physical recovery is going well.
Hang in there!
Wendy, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I went through five years of it with my mom which I didn't talk about publicly, but it was rough. Hiring caregivers, managing them and my mom, and all from 320 miles away. Thank goodness I had my brother who was so very helpful, but he also lived several hours away. Sending good wishes and hugs your way!
ReplyDelete