And now, back to our regularly scheduled program...

Last week, I found a lump.

I had just scheduled my annual screening mammogram. I don't regularly practice self breast exam, but somehow, I bumped my breast just right and found a hard little nodule. I have fibrocystic breasts, as my doctor likes to remind me. I've been told to "get to know my lumps". I would say that in general, I do. They're rubbery, squishy globs.

This one was different. It was a hard little ball. It kind of felt like a pebble. I called my doctor's office, and they told me I needed a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound. I called to reschedule the appointment, and was able to get one sooner. At first, I wasn't nervous about it. I've had these "scares" before, even ending up with a biopsy once. Thankfully, that lump was benign. But that was a rubbery, mobile nodule.

As time passed, I kept telling myself not to worry. I was worried. This lump was so different from anything I had ever felt before. Everything I've ever heard about breast cancer made this one very scary. It was hard. It was fixed. It wasn't painful.

I had a few days to think about all of it. Naturally, I thought about it a lot. Selfishly, I thought about how would this finding affect my marathon training. My pursuit of the mother of all goals, that sub-4 marathon?

What if I needed a biopsy? Would I still be able to train? I would be able to run, but would probably have to skip a few CrossFit sessions. Ok. I could live with that.

But what if it was malignant? What then? Could I still train for my marathon? And deal with it after the race? Would anything really bad happen in that time frame, if I waited? How selfish would it be for me to chase my dream? How stupid would it be for me to postpone treatment? Am I really that crazy? Who thinks this way?

I told myself, it's just a dream. I told myself to wait and see what the tests showed. My dream, in the big picture, means nothing to anyone but me. But what if I don't chase that dream? What if...what if...the worst happened? What if I didn't chase my dream, and I never had the chance to do it again?

You all know that I try to live my life with no regrets. Being in my 50s, I want to savor every moment of the rest of my life. I want to live fully. I want my life to be meaningful. I want to travel. I want to see my boys grow up, marry, and have families. And most important, I want to stay healthy. I work hard at the pursuit of health. Hence the name of my blog. I'm in no hurry for my life to be over.

These are the things I thought about this past week. I know that there are some things out of my control. But would you, as a runner, judge another runner on a decision like this? Would you judge anyone who had to make a tough, life changing decision?

I know.

I went for my mammogram. After the technician took the xrays, I looked at the images. I know enough to be dangerous, remember. I saw lots of tissue. I have "dense" breasts. Every time I have a mammogram, the technicians tell me that. So does my doctor. I could see the nodule. It was perfectly round, which was a really good sign. Even borders=a good thing. Seeing that, I felt more optimistic.

Then the technician told me that the radiologist wanted to ultrasound not just that breast, but both breasts. She had seen calcium deposits on the left side and wanted a better look at them. She told me clusters of calcium deposits could be a bad sign. So off to the ultrasound I went. The technician did her thing, smearing cold gel all over my chest and moving the probe over every area possible. She didn't say much. They can't. You know they know. But they can't say anything. My chest covered with gel, she left the room to get the radiologist.

I laid on the table, with my eyes closed, listening to the humming of the equipment. I felt calm. I was tired. I thought about all this again. What if, what if?

The radiologist came bouncing into the room. She wanted to take one more look at the lesion.

"It's a cyst," she proclaimed. "Nothing to worry about." And those calcium deposits? Nothing to be concerned about. She just wanted to make sure. She was new, she told me. And she wanted to be thorough. Not a problem.

She told me to come back in a year for my annual screening mammogram.

Relief washed over me. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I was so grateful that everything was normal. I didn't have to make any tough decisions. Life could go on.

Since then, my runs have been easier, and I've been able to push harder at CrossFit. Those little annoyances at work aren't getting under my skin. I have been waking up with a smile on my face. I feel energetic.

Take good care of yourself. Follow the recommendations of the American Cancer Society for breast cancer screening. Do your monthly breast exam. That first lump I had biopsied a few years ago? I found that one. It was not seen on the mammogram. If you are over 40, you should have an annual screening mammogram. And if you find anything unusual, call your doctor. Don't wait.

Have you ever had a health scare? How did it affect your training? 

Commitment

Have you ever DNS'd a race? Not for an injury, but just woke up one morning, and said, F---it, I'm not running?

A few years ago, I worked with a physician who was also a runner. He offered to run a 10 mile race with me. Since we worked alternating Saturdays, he pulled strings to get us both the day off, so we could run this race together. I picked up our race packets. On race day morning, it was 40 degrees and pouring rain. But knowing that I was going to meet him at the race, I didn't give it a second thought. I drove into the city and waited for him. Twenty minutes before the start, there was still no sign of him. I called him, and it was clear to me that I woke him up. He told me that he decided not to come. I hung up on him.

Who does that, not show up to a race when you've committed to someone? 

Oh, yeah, that guy.

What if that someone is yourself?

I used to be that person. Before I started running, I was that person who would call in sick at the drop of a hat. I would make plans with people and cancel at the last minute. Commitments? I wasn't good at them. Don't count on me. I used to DNS on life.

Running changed all that. I started making sure I got my runs in, and interestingly, committing to myself to run made me more reliable in other areas of my life. I went from someone that you couldn't count on to someone who was there when I said I would be.

It didn't happen overnight, but I started to notice that if I didn't get up to run, I had a bad day. I would get mad at myself for missing a run. I didn't like that feeling. And eventually, I really didn't like the feeling of letting people down. No matter what it was--work, dinner, you name it.

I especially didn't like the feeling of letting myself down. 

I can see how easy it would be to fall into the pattern of blowing off your runs. 

So many excuses:

It's cold, it's hot. 

It's raining, it's snowing. 

The baby cried all night. 

Your spouse snored all night.

Your legs are tired. 

You're tired.

Your tummy is funky. 

Your feet hurt. 

You have to work early in the morning. 

You worked late last night. 

You had too much to drink. 

You had too much to eat.

You just don't feel like going.

And in case you were wondering, yep, I've had all these reasons not to run.

But I get up and go. It's not always easy. In fact, most often it's a tough sell. I push myself out the door. I push myself through a dark run, tough run, a tough workout. I've run before the sun. In the bitter cold of winter, in the blazing heat of summer. I've outrun skunks and coyotes. I've dodged lightning bolts, and I've run in a blizzard. It's not always picture perfect and it's not always fun. I've tripped over cracks in the sidewalk. Dodged into the trees to take care of nature's call. But I don't quit. I finish what I've started. 

Because I've made a commitment.

To myself. 

I don't ever want to be that person again. 

I don't want to be that person that you can't count on. 

I don't want to be a quitter.

If I can't count on myself, who can?

Have noticed the positive effects of running in other areas of your life? 

I'm linking up with DebRuns who hosts this awesome Wednesday Word linkup! This week's word is Commitment. Make sure you check out what everyone else says about commitment!

Race Recap: Road Shark Virtual 5 miler

I've been doing a lot of virtual races this year. I've always been kind of on the fence about them--I get plenty of opportunities to do live races, but I have to say that the virtual races have all been fun and motivating.  This one, #5 for the year, the Road Shark Virtual 5 miler, was the first one that actually pushed me to hit my goal pace.

I had a blazing fast speedwork run on Thursday, with sub 8 minute miles. But that was not a race. If it was, I would have finished with the pace I ran for today's race, 8:45. Because between each mile repeat, I get to stop and walk, which I do for about 30-60 seconds. That's the nature of speedwork. You go all out for the set distance, and then you recover. Briefly. I even stopped for water after mile 4. In the interest of full disclosure, I have my Garmin set to stop when I do. So sometimes, my paces don't accurately reflect actual time on the road. It really depends on what workout I'm doing for that day. But when I do these virtual races, I make an effort to simulate an actual race and I don't stop.

This morning on the training plan I had 5 miles at marathon pace. I wanted an 8:45 min/mile average pace. I looked at the weather--it was perfect: 65 degrees, low humidity, bright sunshine--and took my sore legs outside to get a signal on the Garmin. CrossFit this week took a toll on me!

Once the signal finally locked in, I slowly headed down the street, willing those really sore legs to loosen up. Even with all the foam rolling and stretching I did, I was tight and sore. I haven't had a run start out easy since before we did that strength cycle. Ouch. Thinking about all the benefits to come from that hard work, I pushed through the pain. Money in the bank, right?

About a half mile in, I felt things start to loosen up, and the legs moved much easier. I picked up the pace. Listening to my music, I moved along the frontage road towards that busy suburban arterial that borders my neighborhood. 

For such an early hour--630 am on a Saturday--I was surprised by all the traffic! The road is being resurfaced, and the crew was hard at work when I ran by. Not something you see on a race course, there are some interesting distractions on the virtual run! After the first mile, I turned onto the sidewalk back into my neighborhood. 

Lots of people were up walking their dogs. I saw a couple of my neighbors and waved hello. But no stopping to chat. I was racing, even if no one knew it! 

I rounded through my route, along the other busy road that also borders my neighborhood, and headed into the large park where there's water. I assessed my thirst and sweating--I felt good. The low humidity was really a plus today, and I decided not to stop. At the south end of the park, a large group of cyclists was getting ready to roll. They all greeted me with a wave, and passed ahead of me. I decided to take the frontage road home for that last mile instead of weaving through the neighborhood streets. 

Good thing, because I saw another neighbor walking his new dog. Mud, the new dog, is a pit bull and is bursting with energy. The last time I stopped to say hi, the dog lunged at my neck. I'm pretty sure he wanted to puncture my jugular, just for the blood. Ok, maybe not, but my neighbor just laughed when the dog jumped on me, and told me, "oh, he's just a puppy". Yeah, right. A puppy who wants to kill me! I don't know about you, but if someone brings a dog to a shelter and it's a pit bull....clearly, they had problems controlling the dog. Maybe not a great candidate for adoption. Thoughts for another post. We've got our blog link up "That Time of the Month" coming up. Hint, hint...

Anyways, glad for my impromptu detour, I reflected on all the thoughts I had on this run. I tried to shake them off, focus on the run, and pick up the pace. Mile 4 was slow. Tom Petty's Running Down a Dream came on, and that got me moving again. I thought about the lyrics, and how great they were for a runner chasing a dream. Think I can make my goal at Chicago? I do. I can. I will. God willing.

I hit 5 miles right at the intersection of the frontage road and my street. I hit stop on the Garmin, and walked the last half block home. Assessed how I felt. Pretty darn good. 

I am so glad I had committed to this virtual run. The distance of 5 miles and the fact that it was a race kept me accountable, especially because I was so tired from a very intense training week. Plus there was that bling to earn. It would have been easy to just make this another 5 mile run. But I hit that goal pace of 8:45. On the dot. It's all about confidence at this point. I have to believe that I can do this thing.

Yep! I can and I will!!!!

Gone For A Run provided me with a free entry and swag in exchange for a blog post about the race. But all the opinions are mine. 

I'm linking this post with The Silvah Lining and her weekly Race Recap link up! Got a race to share? Link it up! You know we all love reading those recaps. 

Marathon training week 2: Hallelujah!

I've decided that while I'm posting my weekly marathon training, there's no need to do my monthly #RunThisYear recaps. That and also, since I've met all my goals except the one I'm currently pursuing makes me think that it would be kind of redundant to post both. But I'll put my monthly stats and year to date mileage at the end of the post, just to keep it all on the up and up! This post is chock full of info, so if you manage to stick with me, thanks in advance!

Anyways, how did the week go?

Monday: I was off work most of the week! That was really helpful for kicking off the training and getting my head in the game.

I had a 6 mile race pace run on the plan. My legs were super tired after that epic bike ride Saturday and my 10 miler on Sunday. I foam rolled like crazy Sunday night to convince my legs that they could do this. And they did. It was a hot and humid morning, but I got it done. 6 miles at 8:45 mins/mile. My dog wasn't as convinced though! She's 12 and doesn't quite get the need to push oneself.

Tuesday: I met Becky for a MetCon session. She had me row, slam ball, kettlebell swing, sit up, and hamstring curl AMRAP x 1 minute for 3 rounds. It was much harder than it looks. As you can see.

Wednesday: So sore from that CrossFit, I headed to yoga. Initially, everything was painful. But it turned out to be one of Kathy's usual amazing classes, and she hit all the high points. I walked out of the studio feeling taller and more mobile. Namaste.

Exactly.

Thursday: I had speedwork on the plan, mile repeats x 5. My goal was to hit sub 8 min/miles. I was really happy with this run. Not only did I average sub-8 for the 5 miles, I showed some nice consistency, especially with the last 4 miles.

Lots of reasons to be happy after this one!

After that I headed back to Becky for my 2d CrossFit session of the week. This one was fun. She initially had me throw the slam ball (15#) forward across the field. But on the way back, I had to throw it backwards over my head. I did that for 3 passes. Then I did squats, lifting a sandbag over my head alternating with GHD back extensions. Holy hamstrings! Finally, I did forward lunges with a bar for 3 laps.

Who says marathon training isn't fun?

Friday: Rest day and back to work. Oh, and I ate ALL THE FOOD today. Saw 27 patients too.

Saturday: I had 5 miles at RP on the plan. I also had a 5 mile virtual run to complete this weekend. So being the ultimate multitasker, I did kill two birds with one stone. I'll recap this race on Tuesday. But suffice to say that I hit my goal pace. Even on those really sore legs. Back to the foam roller for me!

Sunday was long run day. Becky had a 12 miler on the plan. When I got up at 6, it was already 75 degrees and 70% humidity. The sun was bright in the sky, and the weatherman was predicting a high of 90 today. I sat on the couch, drinking my coffee, and considered all this. I was also very tired, having been woken up by my dog twice, and then wondering when my oldest son was coming home. My dog left me a present on the kitchen floor, too. I guess I should have let her out when she woke me up...but somehow I felt like cleaning up poop was better than having a skunky dog.

That's my city in the background!

When I headed out the door for my run, I was already in a negative state of mind. Sometimes its better just to not think about it and go. I decided to run the bike path, and to shoot for a 9:30-10 min/mi pace. I started out slow, and let my legs loosen up. Already at mile 3, I stopped for water, and at mile 4, I needed to make a pit stop. Starting back up was hard! When I got to the end of the path, I needed another 3/4 mile to make it to 6. I pondered my options. Should I head into the forest preserve and make it a loop run or should I turn around at mile 6, and make it an out and back? When I thought about the loop, I reminded myself that it was all open field and that meant the sun would be killer. So I decided to turn around and retrace my route on the path, where there was a lot of shade. I started sipping my Tailwind at mile 6, and it seemed to give me wings for a bit. My splits on the back half were a little faster than I wanted, but as I was struggling mentally, I just couldn't get control of my legs to slow them down. The wind was at my back too, and that helped push me forward a little bit. I still wanted to quit on this run, but I kept telling myself I had to push through it. Talk about digging deep. Lots of negative thoughts were going through my mind, and it took a lot of strength to push them out, especially because I was dying out there. It was really hard to convince myself to keep going. I finished, though, and hobbled into the house. When I showered and recovered, I did some yoga to stretch it out, and I have to say that helped a ton.

Coming up next week:
Monday 6 miles at RP
Tuesday CrossFit
Wednesday Yoga
Thursday Speedwork and CrossFit
Friday Rest
Saturday 5 miles at RP
Sunday Bike!

RunThisYear

Month end stats for July: 

Running 94 miles

Cycling 99 miles

Year to date: 705

Finally, today's song that pushed me through the last mile: 

How's your training going? Anyone else struggling with the heat? Got any songs for a tough run?

Runfessions for July

I can hardly believe that it's the end of July, but here we are and it's time for another edition of Runfessions. Do you runfess? Marcia at Marcia's Healthy Slice hosts this link up. I never seem to have any issues finding things to runfess. I'm telling you it's THE BEST. Get it off your chest. Tell everyone what you've done. Believe me, you'll feel better...

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This is my coach. Who claims not to be a runner.
Image courtesy of Buckshot Images

Let's start off with my big runfession...I've upset my coach. I promised Becky I'd stick to her training plan and oops...right off the bat, I had that bike ride instead of that 4 miler she wanted me to do. She didn't look pleased when I told her. When we were discussing my upcoming races, I neglected to tell her about Venus de Miles. I promised her I'd be good after that and so far, I've stuck to the plan. Even running that 10 miler she had on the plan the day after the bike race. I also made her unhappy by sharing my training plan on the blog. Not a great way to start off marathon training, and I need to make it up to her by behaving. I had been entertaining the idea running of a supported 20 miler for my long run, but she has 18 miles on the plan, and I don't think it would be wise to challenge that. After all, "trust the plan" is another one of my mantras!

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I wanted to avoid this...

And speaking of Becky, I had a little bit of guilt at the relief I felt at the end of this strength cycle. After my near miss with the hamstring pull, I dropped the set. That really scared me. I think you all know me well enough that I never quit on a workout, but I did that day.  I didn't want to lift at all anymore, but I knew better than to admit to that. Becky told me to get over it, and I have, but I had to put it out there. I know that avoiding injury is the key here, but I'm not a quitter...

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And I believe they both had a good one.

It was my son's and my husband's birthdays this month and I didn't buy them any presents. Do you have trouble shopping for the men at your house? I asked them both what they wanted and they told me "nothing". So that's what I gave them...ok, not really, but I'm tired of wracking my brain trying to come up with good gifts for them. I gave my son my credit card and told him to buy himself some new clothes. Which made him extremely happy. I did make them an ice cream cake! When I served it, my husband looked at it and said, "you made this?" Which put a huge smile on my face. Not only was it pretty, it was delicious. My husband is always happy with a good meal and a good dessert. Yep, I do have kitchen skills....

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Remember how I admitted to being a huge procrastinator? If it costs me money, I always wait until the last minute to do it. Like registering my boys for high school. The due date is today, and who finally took care of business yesterday? Me. After all those threatening robocalls from the school, I decided to pay up. I don't know about your schools, but we have "fees" to pay. It's not cheap and that's on top of all those taxes we pay. Naturally, I like to keep my money in my bank account and wait until the last minute. But no worries, they're all signed up. I do the same thing with my real estate taxes, which are due on Monday. I still need to renew my professional memberships for work and sign up for the 2 conferences I'm planning on attending in the fall. And I have yet to register for my fall half marathon. But tell me there's a sale at Athleta? Oh, and an extra 20% off coupon? I'm there....it's all about priorities, right?

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So many runners take their training so seriously, they change their diets. And forgo alcohol. Me, I'm over here already thinking, "is it 5 o'clock yet?" "Should I have red or white wine tonight?" "Boy, a beer sure would taste good in this heat..." I don't think I have a problem...do I? I have so few vices left..a glass or 2 of wine shouldn't affect my training, really. I'm hitting all my paces. I think it's ok. I'll even admit to drinking wine the night before a race. It relaxes me, ok? Please don't judge me....

Would you do the 20 miler? Drinking wine during your marathon training? Got anything to Runfess?

Product Review: SLS3 HiP ZiPP

After reviewing the SLS3 compression socks, SLS3 approached me about reviewing one of their newest products, the HiP ZiPP! You all know I love my SpiBelt, but I need something a little bigger to carry my Tailwind sticks for the Chicago marathon. Last year, I used a fanny pack and it kept spinning around my waist and bouncing up and down. After a couple hours of that, it was starting to get on my nerves. Since then, I have been considering my options for carrying my marathon essentials. I'm always interested in trying something new, and SLS3 sent me a HiP ZiPP to try out. I took it for a test ride on 3 of my runs this week, including a 10 miler.

Now, you do realize I wouldn't be running with my hand in this pocket. But I did this to demonstrate how deep the front pocket is! I had no problems getting my iPhone6 in there! Win!

The HiP ZiPP is a compression pack that you wear around your hips. It is 5 inches wide, comes in 4 sizes (S-XL), and has 2 zipped pockets. When I first looked at it, I loved all the storage space with the 2 pockets. I thought that this just might be the thing for my marathon! The front pocket holds my iPhone 6. In the back pocket, which seemed bigger than the front pocket, I put some odds and ends that I might need on the run, like chafing cream and chapstick. In this picture, I've got 3 packs of Tailwind in there. Still not too bulky.

Don't judge all the shoes around me...

For my test run, I pulled the HiP ZiPP down around my hips and went for my 10 mile long run. The HiP ZiPP was really comfortable. But not long into my run, I noticed that it would creep up and I had to keep pulling it down. Not a big deal,  but it was a little distracting. I had to do this throughout my run, but as I got sweatier, it did a better job staying in place. I don't know if that's a good thing, but it got me thinking about how I could get it to better stay in place around my hips. I wondered if the pockets were more full, would it stretch and stay in place? I haven't tried that out, but I will. I also thought about putting something on the backside of the fabric that was more sticky, like something rubberized, to keep it from sliding up. But the company website says the compression fabric is guaranteed to keep the belt from riding up. I'm pretty small hipped, and even though it felt like it fit snuggly, maybe they need to make an XS? Still thinking about that.

The HiPP ZiPP is low profile, and won't show like these packs. Which might be a bad thing for these guys.

Other than that, I really liked the HiP ZiPP. I liked the 2 pockets, and they were plenty roomy for everything I like to carry on the run. The HiP ZiPP is nice and flat, and the low profile of the pack doesn't show under my shirts. It comes in a variety of colors, but I got basic black, since that's what I wear on the bottom. I'll continue to wear this throughout my marathon training.

A week of friendship

Friendship is a funny thing. When I moved to my current neighborhood, I met a group of women who all had children the same age as mine. We had a bunco group, a book club, and a playgroup. As the kids grew older, people started drifting apart. Some of the moms moved on to other groups based on who their kids were hanging out with. Others got jobs, got busy, and stopped coming to gatherings. The book club disbanded first. The bunco group, which in the beginning had people begging to join, started begging for people to play. There remained a core group of ladies who stuck together. Kind of exclusive, they reminded me of high school.

For most of the time, I was on the outside. Even though I was included in the get-togethers, I didn't feel like I fit in. I had a job--actually, a career, and I was a runner. Oh, and I liked my husband. All of those things set me apart from most of the women, who were, at the time, stay at home moms. While I had a few close friends from the group, most of the friendships I did make with the women felt superficial to me. I'm not good at superficial. At a lot of the parties, all the women would sit around the kitchen, eating appetizers and talking. Loudly. I'm not good in big groups. I didn't have a lot to say. Finally, I stopped going. I didn't like feeling badly about myself because I wasn't "one of them".

As I continued to focus more on running, I started meeting other women runners outside of the neighborhood. These friendships blossomed. I started to realize that there was life outside of the bunco and playgroup ladies. My runner friends "got" me and accepted me. We had running in common, but we forged friendships based on goal setting and encouraging each other to be our best. There was no competition between us. My confidence in my running and in myself grew. This is what I imagined friendship to be.

I gradually stepped away from that neighborhood group and began to nurture my other friendships as well, my friends from the past who were always there for me. I started to reflect on why was I putting so much effort on relationships that weren't being reciprocated? What was so important about "fitting in" with a group of women who lived in my neighborhood? What really did I have in common with these women, besides our children and their activities? Why not focus on my real, meaningful friendships?

I have been off work this past week, and I made it my mission to reconnect with friends that I've neglected. Life has been almost overwhelming the past 6 months, and now I am in a place of calm. For a while, I couldn't talk to anyone about all that had happened with my son this year. Initially, I shared my issues with my running friends. But I finally opened up to my old friends. Should I have been surprised that there was no judgment, just lots of support? My friends were still there for me.

So this past week, I saw some of my friends from high school. And some old friends from work. What is it about those old friends, that you can just pick up where you left off and not skip a beat?

Of course, I saw my sister, who is and always will be the one who knows me best. Even though I have 2 other sisters, there is not the same bond that I have with this one. Truly, she is my best friend.

I also spent some time with some of my running friends, a group that continues to grow as we get to know more and more of the women in this amazing community! The support that I feel from all of these women is like nothing I've ever experienced in my life.

I'm grateful for this week of friendship. It felt good to reconnect. I am so lucky to have such amazing women in my life.

What does friendship mean to you? 

Interestingly, I had already planned my week of friendship post before DebRuns posted the Wednesday Word blog prompt! Coincidence? I think not...

Check out what the other bloggers say about friendship.