Monday, December 21, 2015

Ode to Joy

This the time of year when we're told we should be feeling joyful. And in spite of all the stress I feel with my never ending to-do list, there will be joy on Christmas Eve when we sit down to dinner. Ok, maybe not so much joy as a sense of relief that everything has once again fallen into place.


Nonetheless, it's a good time to reflect. What brings you joy?

Running brings me joy. Other things bring me joy too, but running tops my list. I write about this a lot. Something so simple, but so challenging, with running, the rewards are endless. That last half marathon I ran, with no expectations? The joy I felt crossing the finish line after running an amazing race could only be matched by the joy I felt finishing the Chicago marathon strong with my revised goals this past October. But there have been plenty of runs that weren't joyful as well. I tend not to reflect too much on them. There are days when a run feels more like a chore, just one more thing to do. It's all part of the journey.

Last weekend, I went for 5 miler. I knew that I should skip this run and continue my quest to cross items off my Christmas to-do list. But it was a beautiful morning and I hated to pass it up. I decided to run at the preserve with the limestone path since I don't get to run there much during the winter. I drove to the park where football legend Walter Payton used to do his hill work. In fact, the hill is named for him. I had no expectations for this run. I looped around the preserve enjoying the serenity and beauty, and headed back to the hill. My legs felt light. My PF was quiet. Then I started up that hill, and looked at my watch. 9:05 min/mile pace. Ok then. I pushed forward. My breath got heavier. Some people walking down the hill path looked at each other and smiled as I passed them by. I kept on chugging. When I crested the hill, I paused my Garmin and stopped to catch my breath. I couldn't stop smiling. This was the first time I ran up the hill without stopping. I took this selfie as I jumped for joy. And smiled some more as I saw how high I jumped!


Joy. Pure, unbridled joy. 

Very few things in life make us feel like this. It isn't always the big events that bring us joy. Sometimes it is the smallest of things that make our hearts swell. During this stressful, hectic time of year, it felt great to have something so simple, yet so challenging bring me such joy.

Who knew?

We should all have something in life that brings us joy. 

We need to take responsibility for our joy. If we sit back and wait for it, joy won't come to us.


Joy comes to us when we least expect it. 

There have been many events have brought me joy this year. Some running, some not but one thing in common is that they were all unexpected.

-That work holiday party I didn't want to go to. We started dancing and couldn't stop. So fun.
-My oldest son coming to meet me at this year's Chicago marathon. The best part of the whole day.
-My youngest son being named "man of the match" at his second rugby game. 
-My sister running with me in Seattle. 
-My dad getting up and walking with me 4 hours after having back surgery.
-Running my speedwork with 7:40min/mile splits at the retention pond during marathon training. I didn't know I had that in me.
-Lifting ridiculously heavy weights with Becky and seeing that work translate to some speedy splits. 
-My tough CrossFit coach telling me how far I've come, how proud she is of me.
-Kayaking down the Fox River with my high school friends. 
-My huge PR at Get Lucky 21k in March, a race I signed up for at the last minute when my planned trip to Florida was cancelled.
-Being awarded preceptor of the year for mentoring nurse practitioner students.
-Multiple PRs and AG awards this year. 

These are the things I won't forget this year. Expect the unexpected. Savor the joy. 

How about you? What brings you joy?

I'm linking up with DebRuns for WednesdayWord. Today's word is Joy.










Sunday, December 20, 2015

Motherhood and miles and cookies


Ayyy...it's been a week. I'm chipping away at my Christmas preparations. On Thursday, which is my day off from work, I had a very well-choreographed plan of attack to get some things off my to-do list. My husband threatened to derail my plans when he announced that I needed to stay home to wait for his deep freeze to be delivered. He's a homebrewer, and he uses the freezer to store his beer. Don't ask--he doesn't freeze it. Anyways, panic ensued. There was no way that was happening. He was not happy, and he ended up rescheduling the delivery to next Saturday.

I'm sure he had no inkling of all the things I had to get done. Here's what he thinks I do on my day off:

www.annetaintor.com
But here's what I did. Of course, I went for a run. Then I went to see Becky for CrossFit. I felt much better and I headed to the mall to power shop. Once I got home, I took my youngest son to get a new phone--it was long overdue--and to get a haircut. We spent a nice couple of hours together, and when we got home he helped me with my Christmas cards. As a reward for helping me, I made his favorite dinner.

Then the rug was pulled out from under me.

I was helping him set up his new phone and the texts started coming in from his friends. I saw some things that I'm sure he didn't want me to see. Actually, I didn't want to see them either. He had a panicky look on his face.

Here we go again. Same song, different station. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach. Just when we thought we were done with all that nonsense--my oldest son has put us through the ringer the past couple of years--here we go again, only this time with #2.

He's my athlete, my honor student. And after what we've been through with #1, I didn't think I'd have to worry about this one.

Apparently, I do.

We grounded him. He accepted his punishment without anger or argument. We talked. I told him how much I hate punishing him. He told me how badly he felt.

I hope he remembers this.

In the meantime, I'm back on the Christmas prep. But first things first. Even though it was bitterly cold, I went for an 8 mile run to the retention pond. Reliable as always, the road helped me reflect and gain perspective. Initially, I was feeling pretty badly about my abilities as a parent. What have I done wrong?

But as I ran and reflected, my perspective shifted. I stopped beating myself up and I started to feel badly for my youngest. Because of what we've had to endure with his brother, maybe my youngest has had to live up to an unrealistic standard. He should be allowed to do stupid things, right? Because that's what teenagers do. I know I did my share. The important thing is that he does whatever he needs to do, stays out of trouble, and gets it out of his system. This blip doesn't mean that he's going down a bad path. He's got good grades and he's active in his sports. He assures me that he's on track.

During my run, I stopped to take a picture and captured the sun in my warrior 1 upstretched arms.


Ready to head home from the pond, I ran directly into the brutal wind. I so wanted to bail on this run, to call my husband or one of my sons to pick me up. But that's not what a warrior does. I finished my run and warmed up when I got home.

I felt empowered for finishing that tough run. And for working through my mama drama. The boys will be ok. So will their mama. Thank you, running.

After that run, I felt so much better and ready to tackle my to-do list.

I baked.
I shopped.
I wrapped.
As always, Christmas is going to come together.

I made lots of cookies Saturday. All my cookies are nut-free because we have nut allergies at our house. Christmas+EpiPen=Emergency Room is a holiday buzz kill. Been there, done that....

You won't miss the nuts in any of these, trust me! I make all the favorites of the men in my house but every year I try a new recipe. Sometimes they end up on the keeper list!
Twix Sugar Cookie Cups
This is a new recipe this year and all I can say is make these.

Peppermint Cookie Bars
A nut-free take on the toffee bars my mom used to make when I was kid. My personal favorite.
Cocoa Snowflakes
My youngest son's favorite. I make a double batch.
Raspberry Strippers
The only "healthy" cookies I make. My husband's favorite.

Molasses sugar cookies
These are my oldest son's favorites.

How's your Christmas prep going? Any glitches you want to share? Are you able to keep up with your workouts? Do you like to bake? What cookies do you make? 

I'm linking up with Holly and Tricia for their Weekly Wrap. Hoping everyone had a good week!









Friday, December 18, 2015

Runfessions for December


I can hardly believe that it's time once again for Runfessions! Marcia's taking some time off at the end of the month, so she's hosting the party a week early. I was worried I wouldn't have enough to runfess, but since living life on the edge is my MO, I had no trouble coming up with things to share. My guardian angel shakes her head once again.

A couple weeks ago, I was running along the path at the retention pond. There were a lot of walkers clogging the path there, but since it was cold, certainly no cyclists. Without giving it a second thought, I moved over to the wheeled path lane that was free of walkers to stop having to weave around them. Coming towards me were 2 ladies bike path vigilantes gesturing and waving. I had my earbuds in, so I couldn't hear them until I got closer to them. They leaned towards me and shouted at me: "You're in the wrong lane! Move over!" I nodded and smiled at them. "Thank you! Have a nice day!" And kept going in the bike lane. It reminded me of that scene from Trains, Planes, and Automobiles.... 


I have to runfess that I am SO glad that Elf on the Shelf wasn't a thing when my boys were younger. Seriously. As if we moms don't have enough stress with Christmas prep--didn't I just write about that a few days ago? The mom games are in full swing as I've been observing all the Elves up to no good posts on FB. Did you know they sell outfits for him now? Because it isn't enough just to set him up pulling pranks. Now you have to change his clothes. Although I will admit that some of the pranks I've seen are pretty funny...maybe a little disturbing...

www.mandatory.com
At my work Christmas party this past weekend, I let my freak flag fly. The party was at a bar near the hospital where I work, and instead of our usual white elephant gift exchange, the planning committee changed it up and hired a DJ. I kind of liked the gift exchange and was disappointed we weren't having it this year, but when I heard the opening riff of the Commodores' song Brickhouse, I couldn't help but move it move it. Maybe it was the beer talking. Does alcohol make you feel like a good dancer? Take a listen and tell me you don't want to get up and dance right now. Uh huh huh....


The medical assistants were all like, "oooh, Wendy!" But they joined me, and we danced the night away. I felt young, dancing with those ladies. The DJ hit all the high points. We were stunned when some of the more conservative medical staff (the doctors) joined in and let loose. Man, that was fun. I do work with some awesome, fun people. This was just the kind of boost our office needed to pull morale out of the toilet.

We whipped and we nae naed. Turned down for what. And we tootsie rolled. 
And speaking of toilets (how's that for a segue?), while out for my runs, I've been seeing a lot of porcelain thrones on the curbs. Mrs. Kravitz knows who's redoing their bathrooms. I don't know about you, but seeing all these toilets on the curb reminds me of that scene in the movie Jackass where the guy relieves himself on one of the display toilets in the hardware store. I didn't and I'm not saying I would. But could you? Would you? This is Runfessions, after all...



And speaking of crap (another great segue), the blog has recently been hit by spammers like you wouldn't believe. The majority of posts under attack are older, with one previous Runfessions post in particular getting almost daily hits. I don't understand how that is happening and I feel helpless to stop it. I've put comment moderation in for posts older than 5 days, and I apologize for having to do that. But I want to prevent comments like this from getting through:

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post 

you are truly a good webmaster. The website 
loading velocity is incredible. It sort of feels 
that you're doing any distinctive trick. Furthermore, The contents are masterwork.
you have performed a fantastic job on this matter!

Stop by my web page :: glock slide plates 

They're pretty much all variations on the same theme. I used to be disgusted. Now I try to be amused. They are just so stupid. 

Got anything to runfess? Come on, you know you do...Seen any of the movies I referenced? Danced to any of the tunes?

Besides linking up with Marcia, I'm also linking up my 5 Runfessions with the Friday Five and the DC Trifecta aka Courtney, Mar, and Cynthia









Wednesday, December 16, 2015

'Tis the season to be stressed out...

Fa la la la la, la la la la....

This bitmoji pretty much sums it up.

I'm not a fan of the holidays. Well, let me clarify. I love the holidays--all the celebrations, the joy, the spirit of the season.

What I don't love is the prep for the holidays. All of you moms out there, you get it. The responsibility for holiday joy all falls on us. When I told my husband I wasn't going to send out Christmas cards this year, his response was, "you have to!"

Because why? And why can't he do it?

Sigh.

Guilt ensued and I searched through all my pictures from the past year. I found one, just one, that had both boys smiling from our March trip to Anna Maria Island. It was almost worth it, just to look at all the pictures from the past year. The picture I found was a little dark, so I doctored it up to make it look even better. Thankful for Snapseed, which I use to edit a lot of the photos you see on my Instagram feed.

Man, I love these boys.
Said Christmas cards arrived today. Guess what I should be doing instead of writing this blog post?

There's still gifts to buy.
Decorations to put up.
A menu to plan.
Cookies to bake.

Instead, what do I do? I go for a run. Today I put on these Christmas leggings that I originally bought for last weekend's Underground Polar Express run. It was too warm to wear them then. I got to run in them today. It was blustery and drizzly. But I ran with a smile on my face. Really, neon yellow shoes and holiday leggings?


During stressful times, the one thing that doesn't fall by the wayside is the run. If I can get out on the road, everything seems to fall into place.

Why is that? Does running make me more calm and ready to tackle all the tasks at hand?

I think so.

Wouldn't it be easier to just put my workouts aside and deal with all the stuff on my to do list?

Maybe. But I don't want to know.

It will get done.

For me, the holidays are hugely stressful. I'm not complaining. It is what it is. But if I've learned nothing else, I know that I need to put a run at the top of my to do list.  Everything else can wait.

And if throwing on a pair of holiday tights makes my inner scrooge go away, then it's all worth it.

Do you maintain your normal workout regimen during the holidays? How do you deal with all the stresss of the season? Do you send Christmas cards?

I'm linking up with DebRuns for Wednesday Word. Today's word? Stressful. How about you? 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Book Review: The Runner's Brain

For me, running is 90% mental and 10% physical. That should be no secret to anyone who reads my blog. My biggest challenge when training for distance races isn't the physical training. It's the mental training. I'm lucky to have a coach who gets that and has worked hard with me to basically get out of my head. It's a work in progress, as this past week's session with her proved.

We were doing cleans into a front squat, and I apologized for messing up. It just feels so awkward! Becky told me to put the bar down and do 5 burpees. Crap!

"You've got to stop apologizing. You have to just move on, " she told me. I'm a work in progress.

When The Runner's Brain by Dr. Jeff Brown came out this fall, I moved it right to the top of the book club reading list, bumping a few books I had already scheduled. Sorry about that. I couldn't wait to read this one. I have read quite a few reviews on other blogs and was excited by the positive response. I've also read quite a few interviews with Dr. Jeff Brown, which is why I decided not to interview him myself. I'll post links to those at the end of the post.

Anyways, I thought I'd have a unique perspective on this book since for the last couple of years, I've been working really hard on getting out of my head. Because of the work I've done, there wasn't a whole lot of new information for me. Instead, I found everything he said to confirm the work I've been doing with Becky.


Dr. Brown starts off by giving a little anatomy and physiology lesson about the brain, talking about the reticular activating system. The RAS is the area of the brain that takes all the incoming information and decides what you need to pay attention to. The RAS can only hold a finite amount of information, and Dr. Brown says that you need to choose that information wisely.

"Before you build the confidence to respond with a 'heck yeah I'm a runner', your RAS needs to believe. And it needs to send a message to the rest of your brain that it, too, should believe. Your job is to throw the RAS as much and as many different types of information you can about your being a runner. This is how you can strenthen your identity as a runner."

Dr. Brown talks about setting goals, which help you define success and motivate you, and dressing the part, calling it "enclothed cognition". I don't know about you, but I sure feel more confident when I head out for a run in my tights and technical shirts than I would if I put on some baggy old sweatpants and sweatshirt. Not to mention how heavy those would feel. Same goes for life in general. If you are feeling down, doesn't it perk you up to shower and put on an outfit you know looks good on you? In the picture above, it was foggy and drizzly, so I put on my "RunHappy" shirt, just to give myself a boost, and had a great run! Corny? Maybe. But it works.

Goal setting should be realistic, says Dr. Brown, and there should be a backup goal. Kind of like what some people do, setting A, B, C, etc goals for a race. This year's Chicago marathon was the first time I made a backup goal and was I ever glad I did that. There was no disappointment on my part for not achieving my primary goal because I had the backup plan, which was successful.

Dr. Brown also talks about how we train our brains to respond to the run, the elusive runner's high, and the power of magical thinking. I laughed about that last one.


You get the point. 

There's a section devoted to racing and the importance of the social aspect of running. Dr. Brown also addresses pre-race jitters and post-race blues. As he says, most trouble for runners occurs before and after the race. The majority of us do well during the race because running is what we do. We just focus on the task at hand. He gives some suggestions on dealing with pre-race anxiety. 
"The moral of the story is that you should attend to the things you can control and minimize the things you can't..."
Easier said than done, right? That's why he suggests visualization.
"Your goals should be to manage your anxiety by thinking confident thoughts. Try coming up with some canned mantras you can easily remember and repeat to yourself....Just come prepared and give the best effort you can give on that day....Stick to your rituals."
 The book finishes up with Dr. Brown's 7-Step Fit Brain Training Plan and some thoughts from elite runners.


This was a great little book with helpful tips that could benefit every runner. I liked that the book didn't contain a lot of superfluous information. For me, this book was confirmation of what I've been working on for the last couple of years. These things he suggests do work, but you need to practice them, just like you do your running. Because this book is more like a handbook, I'd recommend more in depth reading if you want to take your performance to the next level. Dr Brown also wrote The Winner's Brain. There must be a lot of runners struggling with mental toughness because I found a ton of books to recommend. These include Brain Training for Runners by Matt Fitzgerald,  RUN: The Mind-Body Method of Running by Feel by Matt Fitzgerald, How Bad Do You Want it: Mastering the Psychology of Mind over Muscle by Matt Fitzgerald, Mental Training for Runners: How to Stay Motivated by Jeff Galloway (new edition coming out April 2016) and The Champion's Mind: How Great Athletes Think, Train, and Thrive by Jim Afremow.

For more information on Dr. Jeff Brown, Carly Pizzani, who writes the blog Fit Fine Day recently posted an interview with him. You can read this here. There is also a 2 part podcast interview on Marathon Training Academy

Did you read the book? What did you think? Do you use mantras to keep you on track? Any special pre-race rituals that you must do? Do you use visualization to keep focused? Any advice you'd like to share?

I'd love for you to link up your review of The Runner's Brain or any other fitness/running related book. If you don't have a blog, post your review in the comments! And if you do link up, don't forget to link back to this post, using the image below.


Next month we are reading the scandalous autobiography by Suzy Favor Hamilton: Fast Girl: A Life Spent Running from Madness. I'm really interested in reading about how this Olympic athlete fell into a life as an escort before being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Runner's World gives a little background information here. The review and linkup will go live on Friday January 15.



As always, thanks for playing along!




Sunday, December 13, 2015

Underground Polar Express Run


Three years ago, my friend Karen started the Underground Polar Express run to benefit a local charity. Last year was my first time running it, and I had a great experience! This year when she posted the registration link, I signed up the first day. The registration fee is $15, which is a bargain! Not only is there the fun run for which runners don holiday costumes, there's pizza and drinks, a raffle, and a cute stocking cap, all included in the price. The registration is capped at 300 runners which keeps the event small and fun.

This year I convinced Marcia and Sara to join me, and we met at my house to make the drive together. It was a balmy 60 degrees, and I had already reworked my costume to accommodate the warm conditions. There was the threat of rain, so we brought plastic bags just in case. The drive to Batavia was easy and it was fun to catch up. We got to the restaurant where the race was held and ran into Karen. She looked amazingly calm!

Karen, Sara, me, and Marcia
After signing in, we walked to the river path where the race would take place. No Garmins, no race bibs, just a 3 mile "jog" along the Fox River. We did pass some people, natch, but it was fun to run without a goal time. It was really warm and humid, and I was starting to seriously sweat after about 1 1/2 miles. Luckily the rain held off during the run. I was glad to see the finish back at the restaurant, where we immediately went inside to get something to drink. I headed to the bar to get a Blue Moon. Sara and Marcia opted for soda. We perused the raffle prizes, which included 4 tickets to a Bulls game! Then we sat down at the table to wait for everyone else to finish.

Michelle, her family, and a friend joined us, as well as Penny. It was fun to catch up while we ate pizza.

front Michelle, Penny, me
back Sara, Marcia
And while I didn't win anything from the raffle, Michelle and her family were really lucky, winning 3 prize baskets, including one which contained this scarf knitted by Kim from Running on the Fly!


As we rode home in the pouring rain, we talked about what a fun event this was. Karen and her elves do an amazing job of planning. I will definitely put this one on my calendar for next year! Besides being for a good cause, there's something about dressing up in a Christmas costume to kindle that holiday spirit! I was amazed at some of the creativity of the participants. One woman was dressed up like the leg lamp from the movie A Christmas Story!

Have you done any holiday themed runs this year? Do you run in costume?

I'm linking up with Holly and Tricia for the Weekly Wrap! How was your week?

Friday, December 11, 2015

It's an addiction...

Today I went for my annual checkup. It was the quickest pap smear and exam I've ever had. Kind of like going through the gynecological drive through. My doctor had an emergency in the hospital but wanted to see me before he left. We made small talk while he checked me over, and I told him I ran the Chicago marathon again this year.

Usually, he takes me to his office after the exam to chat, but today we talked in the exam room.


"Everything looks good," blah blah blah. And then he said something that gave me pause.

"You know that exercise can be an addiction, just like drugs or alcohol," he said.

I felt a little defensive.

What is it with medical people and judging patients for our lifestyle choices? I once saw an orthopedic surgeon for knee pain and he told me the 20-25 miles/week that I run was excessive. Let me judge you, Dr. Chubs.


What is the expectation for athletes?

Speaking as a fellow medical professional, it's my opinion that most medical professionals don't know what to do with athletes. Athletes come in injured and we pull them from their sport without addressing the mechanics that caused the injury. When patients come in for well checks, there's not a lot for us to tell them. Low pulse, low blood pressure, normal BMI? My NP training was all about treating illness and disease. Sure, we learn about prevention. We are supposed to promote prevention. But most of what we do is geared towards steering unhealthy patients towards a healthy lifestyle. What happens when we see a patient who is already doing everything right?

We don't know what to tell them. Instead of praising them for making healthy choices, we tell them they're overdoing it. Maybe we even tell them they have a problem or are addicted.



I looked up the signs and symptoms of alcohol and drug addiction and substituted running. I don't want to make light of addiction because it is a very serious problem. You can chase the link if you want to learn more about addiction.

But I have to admit that I found it kind of amusing how well running fit into some of these statements. Tell me you don't have an addiction to running:


  • -Loss of ControlDrinking or drugging Running more than a person wants to, for longer than they intended, or despite telling themselves that they wouldn’t do it this time. Aka marathon training.
  • -Neglecting Other ActivitiesSpending less time on activities that used to be important (hanging out with family and friends, exercising, pursuing hobbies or other interests) because of the use of alcohol or drugs running; drop in attendance and performance at work or school. This explains the condition of my house.
  • -Risk Taking: More likely to take serious risks in order to obtain one’s drug of choice run. Running alone in the forest preserve? Running in the dark?
  • -Relationship Issues: People struggling with addiction are known to act out against those closest to them, particularly if someone is attempting to address their substance  running; complaints from co-workers, supervisors, teachers or classmates. I have had some complaints from my sister that I talk too much about running.
  • -SecrecyGoing out of one’s way to hide the amount of drugs or alcohol consumed miles run or one’s activities when drinking or drugging purchases of running gear; unexplained injuries or accidents. I hide my TJMaxx bags in the bottom of the recycling bag.
  • -Changing Appearance: Serious changes or deterioration in hygiene or physical appearance – lack of showering, slovenly appearance, unclean clothes. I will admit to skipping the shower on my days off.
  • -Family History: A family history of addiction can dramatically increase one's predisposition to substance abuse running addiction. Actually, any kind of addiction at all. I know a little bit about this...
  • -Tolerance: Over time, a person's body adapts to a substance running to the point that they need more and more of it in order to have the same reaction. Yep, 3 miles just don't do it for me anymore.
  • -Withdrawal: As the effect of the alcohol or drugs running wear off the person may experience symptoms such as: anxiety or jumpiness; shakiness or trembling; sweating, nausea and vomiting, insomnia, depression, irritability, fatigue or loss of appetite and headaches. When sidelined for injuries, I have been known to get a little cranky. 
  • -Continued Use Despite Negative Consequences: Even though it is causing problems (on the 
  • job, in relationships, for one’s health), a person continues drinking and drugging running. 



In all seriousness, I have no doubt that I have an addiction. I love to run. Running makes me happy and it makes me healthy. Over the years, I've gotten smarter about running so that I can stay on the road and out of the doctor's office. I work hard to maintain a balance in my life. Running is an addiction that I'm happy to have. I could have chosen something much worse to be addicted to.

But just like anything you can overdo it. If you think you have a problem, seek help. Here's some more reading that might help you: 


Have you ever been told that you "run too much" by a doctor? Been told that you have an addiction? Do you have any of these signs and symptoms of addiction?

I'm linking up with Jill Conyers today!