My toughest race

My worst race ever? Hands down, that race would be the Chicago Marathon in 2011. This was one of the biggest disappointments of my running life, if not my whole life. I put my heart and sole (pun intended) into this race, into my training, and was just ashamed of the race I ran. Now, I can live with the results of this first one, chalking it up to inexperience and lessons learned. When I look back, I reflect on what I learned--and I learned a great deal from this race--both about running a marathon and about myself. I learned to respect the distance. I learned that I could run long distances. I learned how to get a grip on my intestinal issues. I learned that I had the determination to finish, no matter what I was feeling.

But I also learned that I needed to get a better grip on my nerves. That I needed to develop more mental toughness. I learned that I had to do a better job fueling if I wanted to run long distances. I also needed to train differently in the future, because this race broke my body.

I ran Chicago in 2011. As a runner for most of my adult years, I felt incomplete not having gone 26.2. It was important for me to add a marathon to my list of distances. I signed up for this race in February of that year, when the race opened for entries. There was no lottery yet, but the race sold out in about 5 days. Imagine that!

I made the decision to run for a charity, to help me stay committed. My friend, Sandy, whose son has Down Syndrome, asked me to run for her charity, UPs for Downs, which is a parent support group for parents of kids with Down Syndrome. Of course, I said yes. I had no trouble raising the minimum amount required. Actually, this was the least stressful part of my entire experience!

For training, I followed Hal Higdon's novice 2 plan. His training plans are free on the web and are easy to follow. I had a higher mileage base than required for starting the plan, and so I kept doing my thing, jumping onto the plan as the miles increased. I found satisfaction in crossing off each training run on the plan, and I was amazed and proud as I tackled each distance. I threw in a couple of half-marathons during my training and learned to really love that distance! Throughout my training, I learned a lot about myself and my body. GI issues, which I have always struggled with, really peaked as I increased my mileage. I began to figure out what foods really bothered me and what worked. I also consulted with my internist (a wonderful woman who gets me), and we discussed options to help with my symptoms. I decided to try a new antibiotic, off-label, which had showed some promise in women with my type of IBS. And to my surprise and happiness, the medication worked! Of course, I continued to avoid trigger foods, and without having to worry about pooping my pants, I was able to train more confidently.

Although all of my training was solo, I registered for a 20-mile training run, scheduled 3 weeks prior to the marathon, aptly named the 20 miler, which was a real confidence booster. My 20-mile run was on a beautiful fall day. I ran that race in 3:18. It felt great! I figured at the very most, my marathon time would be 4:30. I was ready.

The only glitch, as far as I could see was that the night before the race was my parents' 50th wedding celebration. The day after I signed up for the marathon, I proudly announced it to my parents. My mom informed me that she was planning this party for the night before. I thought to myself that I don't normally sleep well before a race, so what would be the big deal, right? And being at the party would take my mind off of pre-race jitters, too. Right? My Irish uncle even gave me an Irish blessing! What could go wrong?

The morning of the race, Sandy picked me up at 5 am. She likes to talk and chattered all the way down to the race, which helped keep my mind off my anxiety. I met up with the UPs for Downs team for photos. After that, I was on my own. I wandered around the area and hit the portapotty. A bad omen perhaps, the person who was in before me did something really nasty in there and the smell almost overwhelmed me. I was already nauseous from my nerves, and that just about did me in.

It was THAT bad!

Of course, they say God laughs at people who make plans, and he must have been having a real laughfest on the day of the marathon. As the sun came up, the air began to warm. A lot. We were sweating before we even started. I lined up with the 9:30 mile pace team. The team leader had a giant pace sign he was holding up.  How do you run 26.2 miles holding that thing? Well, I wouldn't lose him, I thought. The national anthem was sung, the navy did their flyover, and we were off. Actually, about 20 minutes after the gun went off, we crossed the start line.

Yeah, I'm WAY back there...

About mile 3, I needed to pee. I hit the portapotty, and that was the last I saw of my pace group. Mile 8, through Boystown, I started to feel bad. It was early in the race and already I knew I was in trouble. It was so hot and humid, and I couldn't keep up with my sweating. I'm sure my nerves had a lot to do with this too. I started to walk. Another woman began walking with me and told me she was struggling too. My confidence sunk. I started to run/walk, and when I got to mile 14, the charity village, Sandy was waiting for me. She saw how bad I looked, and started to run with me. It was then that my legs started to cramp.

If you have ever experienced muscle cramps, you know the agony that I experienced. I have never had muscle cramps before that. We stopped to walk, and Sandy began massaging my calves. She also gave me a baggie of salt pills and instructed me to begin taking them. We continued on, and after 3 miles, she left me to return to the charity village. I pressed on. I saw people vomiting on the roadside. At mile 19, Pilsen, I called my husband in tears. I begged him to pick me up. He refused and told me to walk.

Which I did. If I saw a photographer, I picked up the pace and smiled. Then I walked. Chinatown was a blur. The worst part of the race is mile 23 to the finish. That stretch runs up South Michigan Avenue, and you think it is never going to end. You can hear the crowds as they build towards the finish, but you think you'll never get there.

Finally, I rounded the corner onto Roosevelt Road. There I spotted my mom and my sister and her family. I ran over to them for hugs and pictures. Then I ran up the final hill to the finish line. I staggered across the finish line and was handed my medal and a bottle of Gatorade recovery. I was done.

I met my family in the park adjacent to the finish line. I couldn't stand on my feet and I felt bad. I started sipping on the drink. Posed for pictures. And as I began to feel better, it all sunk in. I did it! I ran a marathon. Not the race I wanted to run. Not the race I envisioned. But I did it.

I couldn't stand on my feet!

Would I do another? I'd love to vindicate myself, to prove to myself that I can do better. But when people say "respect the distance", they aren't kidding. A marathon is HARD. It took me months to recover from that race. And several months later, I developed a stress fracture in my foot. I was sad after this race, disappointed in myself, and all the training I did.

But I did it. And learned a lot about myself along the way. And I can say I'm a marathoner...not one of those 5K marathoners, but a real 26.2 mile marathoner!

And my tummy didn't bother me once. So at least I had that!

Another great someecard from my friend Penny

Getting ready

My half marathon, the Florida Beach Halfathon, is less than a week away. 

Normally, I don't get too worked up before a race, but most of the races I run are local. I planned this race around a family vacation, and I have a lot to do this week before we leave. So the mental gymnastics begin...bear with me...

I'm trying to figure out the logistics for the race. We are staying on an island about 45 miles away. My husband, who never fails to surprise me, thought it would be fun to stay overnight at a hotel that is closer. While I think this is a great idea, it kind of threw me off. My husband rarely goes to my races anymore, and when I signed up for this one, he was a little upset at first--"you're going to run a race on our vacation?". In my head, I was planning on getting up early and driving myself to the race. No big deal. He rented a convertible and I pictured myself driving down the sunshine skyway bridge with the top down, medal around my neck, the breeze blowing my hair.

Well ok, maybe not this convertible...here's a picture of the bridge today...

Driving over it never fails to thrill me!

Now he's all in and I'm excited but more nervous. He told me he's going to drop me off at the starting line. Then he said he might not make it to the finish line? Hello? You have to know him...

Anyways, I have to rethink everything. Most importantly, I have to rethink my fueling--because we are staying at a hotel--and hope I get a decent night's sleep. All the things I take for granted when I run races at home, for me, running a race somewhere else adds a whole new dimension to pre-race jitters.

We're currently "discussing" race packet pickup. I was planning on picking it up the morning of the race. But now that we are going to be in the area, I want to pick it up beforehand. That way I can get everything ready the night before, get dressed, eat breakfast, and show up. My husband would like me to just pick it up race morning.

The other factor that I'm overthinking is the weather. I have been training in cold, cold conditions all winter. We haven't had any of those "teaser" days that we usually get in the winter, you know, the days that hit 70 degrees in February? I've been checking the weather for Florida, and I have to admit, it does look ideal that day.

The race starts at 7 am, and the sun doesn't rise until 730, so I should get that 60 degrees for at least the first hour of the race. It will warm up pretty quickly tho. I'll have to plan my fueling accordingly. One thing that is different from races here in the Midwest is that they will have orange slices at that fuel stops! I've never had that before, but it sounds great to me! I have to remember to pack my Clif Raz Gels and slit the tops. I once lost a few minutes at a half trying to tear them open with sweaty hands--live and learn.

And most important, I have to decide what to wear. Since I've been dressing like an eskimo, I'll need to pull out the summer running clothes. It will feel great to run unencumbered by layers. And I want to pick something that will make me feel confident. 

Let's see..what else...I need to make my playlist. I may or may not listen to music, but it is nice to have for when I need a push!

A few other loose ends: the Garmin and Chamois Butr (for chafing prevention).

Of course, the race is 7 days away..the weather could change...my husband could change his mind...arrgh, why do we do this?!

What do you do to prepare for a race? How do you deal with your nerves? Do you do a lot of mental preparation beforehand?

Good Luck!

This morning, while out for a quick trip around the neighborhood, I spotted a quarter on the ground. Even though I was running really well, I stopped to pick it up. I always stop to pick up money. Even pennies. One time, I found a $20 bill. Running pays.

"Find a penny pick it up, all day long you'll have good luck." Will a quarter bring me 25 times the good luck? I guess you could call me a little superstitious!

Call them superstitions, call them rituals, most runners have them. For example, seasoned runners never wear a race shirt prior to running a race or at the actual event. Is it for luck or to be cool?

Do you plan your race outfit prior to the morning of the event? I do. I leave nothing to chance. I actually check the weather forecast the week before my race, so I can begin thinking about what I want to wear.

Do you think that a particular piece of clothing could bring you bad luck? I had a disastrous run at the 2011 Chicago Marathon, and the shirt I wore to that race will never touch my body again!

Leg cramps at mile 14! Oooh!

I don't always eat before I run, but when I do, I eat cheerios.

What about fueling during the race? Do you bring your own or leave it to chance? I always do Clif Razz Gel, walk through the water stations, and never drink the gatorade (a near disaster at one race for me).

Altho you may have to fuel with whatever is available on the course, like this guy!

I never wear new shoes to a race. Or new socks, for that matter. I have black champion underwear that I always wear under my tights.

What about music? Does a certain song bring to mind an amazing run? Do you plan your playlists around a specific race? For me, music can be the one factor that will make or break me, especially towards the end when I start to feel tired and self-doubt creeps in. About a week prior to a race, I begin thinking about what kind of songs I want to listen to. Most are culled from the current list of songs I am listening to on my runs. Right now, I will most certainly include Eminem's 'Till I Collapse, Fort Minor's Remember the Name, Fitz and the Tantrums' The Walker, and Pharrell's Happy.

Runners aren't the only athletes with superstitions. I read that tennis great Serena Williams wears the same pair of socks during an entire tournament. Michael Jordan wore his UNC shorts under his Chicago Bulls uniform throughout his career. Hockey players are well known for growing beards during playoff season.

Do you avoid sidewalk cracks when you run? What if a black cat were to cross your path? What then?

I better stop here before I jinx myself! Time to go knock on wood!

In all seriousness, do you have any prerace or prerun rituals that you never miss? Are you superstitious?

Gone viral

Last week, I was examining an ill infant. She had runny nose, cough, and vomiting. No fever, though, and as I checked her, I felt confident that this was a viral illness that needed to run its course.

Then she coughed in my face. I felt the mucus land on my cheek and in my eye.

Oh no.

Definitely one of the hazards of my job, I have become somewhat of a germophobe. I was my hands before and after I touch a patient. Before I eat. As soon as I get home. I clean my stethoscope before I examine every patient. And clean it with bleach wipes if I see someone who has been vomiting. Last fall I had a toddler vomit in my lap while I was examining him. It was as horrible as you might imagine. I felt it seep through my pants. Luckily, my clinic is connected to the hospital. Someone got me some scrubs to change into and I cleaned my legs with bleach wipes. I know I shouldn't have done that but ick. Washed those clothes in hot water. And prayed that I wouldn't get sick. Luckily, that time I didn't.

Most days this time of year.

I hate being sick. And who's got time to be sick anyways?

Two days after I saw that baby, my eye turned red and started to drain. I started antibiotic drops for pinkeye. Meanwhile, I had a scratchy throat and felt kind of blah but continued with work and running.

Today I feel yucky. My stomach is funky and my nose is stuffed up. The sun is shining, and normally I would have run outside, but I decided to try to do my treadmill speedwork. I figured I could stop if I felt bad. Plus I had ready access to the bathroom. Happily, with my bottle of nuun at my side, I completed those intervals without a problem. You never know unless you try, right? And I actually feel better now. Trying to fight the good fight!

I feel so much better now!

I use my ability to push through a run as a gauge for how sick I am. If I start running, and don't feel better after I get moving or have to stop in the middle of a run, I know I'm really sick and need to rest. Those are the days I call in sick. And luckily this rarely happens.

Most experts say that if your symptoms are above the neck, you are probably safe to hit the streets. Running may actually make you feel less stuffy, as your body releases adrenaline, which can open clogged nasal passages (source). But if your symptoms are below the neck, for example, in your chest, vomiting, or body aches then you should probably skip the workout. Seems logical to me. Take a day or 2 to rest and recover. You won't lose any training time.

Ha. Tell that to this type A++ runner!

Do you run when you are sick? What do you do to stay well?

#keepingitreal

"You're so skinny". 

I hear this all the time. Meant as a compliment, I know, but it really isn't, if you think about it. And let's face it...you'd never go up to an overweight person and say, "you're so fat!".

Plus, I'm not skinny. Full disclosure: I'm 5'5, 125#, BMI 22. This is considered healthy. Not skinny. But in the United States, our perspective is skewed, since >35% of adults are considered obese; >69% are overweight (source: CDC). We are so used to seeing overweight people and kids, for that matter. So when we see someone who is actually a normal weight, we may see them as skinny. In my practice as a pediatric nurse practitioner, I spend a lot of time trying to convince concerned parents (and grandparents) that their normal sized children are not too thin, that they are a healthy weight. It's a tough sell. Which is kind of crazy when you consider that being thin is a lot healthier than being overweight.

And in spite of the high rate of obesity in our country, women face enormous pressure to be thin. A visit with a teenage girl in my clinic last week prompted me to write about this. The patient came in for an evaluation because she passed out at track practice. When I reviewed her chart, I noticed that she had lost quite a bit of weight since her last visit 6 months ago. Her current BMI? 17. Now that's skinny.

Her exam and workup were completely normal. That didn't surprise me, since most teenagers don't have cardiac issues. When I talked to her about her eating habits, she told me she "doesn't have time to eat" or drink, for that matter. We talked about needing fuel for life and her activities. She nodded as I spoke, but at the end of our conversation, she just asked me when she could go back to track. During the visit, her mom sat there and smiled. She didn't say a word. To buy myself some time so I could talk with her father, I told the patient I was sending her to cardiology to be cleared to return to track. In the meantime, I called her father and shared my concerns with him. Used the words "eating disorder". He didn't buy it. He told me he'd watch her eat. I recommended a visit with our adolescent specialist, who is an expert with eating disorders. He told me his daughter was too busy for that. Sigh.

Everywhere you turn, there is pressure on women to be thin. And just being in shape isn't enough, you have to be ripped! Don't get me started on the "thigh gap" that was a big "thing" last year. When looking for running motivational pins on Pinterest and tumblr,  I've come across a lot of so-called "Fitspiration"pins. The women in these pictures have amazing physiques, with ripped muscles, large breasts, and flat abs. I don't find these pins especially motivational because to me they portray unrealistic body images. But at age 51 I've accepted my body. I'm strong and I can still run, although I'm not as fast as I used to be. I'm not very flexible but I do yoga to help with that. When I was younger, I wasn't as accepting of my body, and I can see why women would look to these pictures to be motivational.

 Here are some examples:

No matter how hard most of us do yoga, this pose is simply unattainable!

Last fall Lauren Fleshman posted on her blog a photo of herself from a runway show. She said out of the hundreds of photos taken, only a handful were actually good.

In response to criticism about her body looking so good merely 3 months after giving birth, she also posted photos which were unretouched, including this one:

I love that she did this. BTW, this blog post went worldwide! She definitely struck a chord with lots of women. Maybe if more celebrities did this, we all could let go of that perfect body image.

She also wrote about this for Runner's World, which you can read here. In this article, she encouraged women to post pictures of themselves for a project she's working on. 

So in the spirit of Lauren Fleshman, here's 50 year old me (I'm in the middle, with 2 of my friends at the beach last summer). Letting it all hang out.

And instead of re-pinning unrealistic Fitspiration pictures, let's embrace the Saucony "Find your Strong" project. There's a blog, inspiring stories, photo competitions (check out the March Muddiness competition)...now this is inspirational!

And when you see a fit person, don't tell them they're "skinny". 

Just tell them how strong they look.

How do you feel about your body? Do you bare it in a bikini or do you cover up? Do you look for fitness models for motivation? 

#bestfoot

Dream big!

Lululemon has started a new campaign: If nothing was stopping me, I would....

I'm not really good with fonts and stuff, but I had no trouble expressing what I'd do....

I'd keep running...but I know where I want to be.

2 more weeks.

What would you do if nothing was stopping you?

Ouch.

Remember that black hole I wrote about a few weeks ago? The one that was threatening to suck me in? Well, it's back at it again. Life just keeps lobbing balls at me. Or lemons.

Good advice!

I was doing really well after my last post. Trying to keep a positive attitude. Really pushing myself to be happy and goofy, like I normally am. And being fairly successful at staying positive, too, if I do say so myself.

A few bumps in the road, including my father-in-law being admitted to the hospital last week, didn't shake my confidence. He's fine, by the way. Even though the doctors messed up and he had to stay an extra night. Smh. Mother Nature brought us more snow and cold. Hasn't she checked her calendar? But in spite of the bad weather, in the mornings the roads have been mostly clear and I have been able to run outside. The sun has been shining.

And then this....

Last week I got my new Garmin. I bought a low end model, the Garmin Forerunner 10, because I my iPhone running apps weren't very reliable. They kept quitting midrun, and I didn't trust the splits they were giving me. The Garmin performed beautifully, and here's what I saw:

I could not have been happier. This run was done in the cold wind, following a snowstorm...typical of our winter this year, and with splits like this, I feel like I've been doing a great job training. The Garmin does not lie, right? I was so thrilled with my new Garmin! Why was I resisting owning one all these years?

In my enthusiasm, I sent the picture to my family, along with a comment about how great I felt.

My sister responded with a snarky comment about her 3 miler on the treadmill, "steep hills". 

It was then I remembered a comment she made to me a week before when I was talking about running. A big sigh, followed by "that's YOUR thing...". In other words, "I don't want to hear about it". I realized then why she sent me the snarky text. 

Hurt, I let the text comment ride until the next day when I called her. She didn't pick up, and l left a message that I thought we should talk. Later she sent me a text message, which was not nice. She didn't want to talk to me, she said, and basically stated I needed to keep my running to myself. There was also a comment about me "needing to pat myself on the back" all the time. 

Ouch.

We runners tend to talk about running ad nauseum...because we are so passionate about it. Running has the power to transform our bodies and our lives, and I could write a book on what running has done for me. My family may not understand my passion for running, but with the exception of my sister, everyone has been really supportive. When I ran the Chicago Marathon, my mom and my youngest sister and her family were there. But not this sister. It bothered me at the time, but I let it go.

After this past incident, I'm having a little harder time letting it go. Over the years, she's told me multiple times that I'm her "best friend". I've supported her through her divorce, and other trials and tribulations. I've always been there for her. That's what sisters and friends do for each other. But I'm not feeling the love back. I can analyze why she says the things she says about my running, but I don't understand the venom behind the comments.

Maybe I shouldn't have sent the picture of my Garmin. But what about the pictures she sends of her new home, her new furniture, her boys...what makes that different? 

And is what we runners are doing in our blogs and facebook, twitter and instagram considered "patting ourselves on the back"? I enjoy reading everyone's posts on Facebook and everyone's blogs. I find them motivating. I love the encouragement I get from my fellow runners and I try to reciprocate. I do try not to go overboard when I talk about running with my family and friends because I know it isn't their "thing". I try to be sensitive when it is time for me to stop talking about it..the glazed look I get usually does it for me. When people ask me about running, I always joke "don't get me started!"

But my friends understand that running is my passion. I'm not sure what to do about my sister, but I'm not going to let her comments affect the my journey. 

Keep moving forward. 

Healing my bruised ego. My broken heart.

Are your family and friends supportive of your running? How do you handle those who aren't?