Think You'll Never Run Boston? 13 Ideas to Help You Cut a Race Course and Make a BQ Happen

Hey you, runner. Psssst....over here. Yeah, you. I hear you want to run Boston and you want it bad. But you don't think you can earn a BQ without a little help. It takes a village. I can help. Shhhhhh... don't be telling anyone. And don't be posting it all over social media. As far as the world knows, you've earned the damn thing.

There seem to be so many cheaters. There is now a whole blog devoted to catching course cutters. I figured we could learn a few things from cheaters who've been exposed. Heck, we may as well take advantage of others' mistakes!

1. Study the marathon course and study it well. Find out where the timing mats are and make sure you hit them all, if possible. You most likely won't be able to do this alone, unless you can use public transportation. You'll need an accomplice, someone to track you, pick you up, and drop you off at appointed stops. Don't plan on an Uber for this.

2. Don't make it too obvious. You don't want to draw attention to yourself. This isn't the time to pull out the InknBurn gear. While I love the stuff, you want to be understated. No costumes. No tutus. Boston brings out the serious runners and you need blend in.

3. Speaking of photos, make sure you get the photographers' attention. Photographic proof that you ran the course is a plus.

4. No matter how much course cutting you do, look like you ran a race. Make sure you are sweaty. Pour water over your head if you have to. Sprint to the finish or slap your cheeks so your face gets a little red. Heavy breathing and exhaustion will make those finish line pictures more authentic.

5. Look like you belong with the upper echelon of runners at Boston. Work on your stride. If you can't run like a gazelle, at least look like one.

6. Don't wear a Garmin. Or if you do, don't turn it on. If you turn it on, don't upload your results to Strava--the route will be posted and if anyone is looking at your results, they'll be out there for the entire running community to see.

7. If you don't have it in you to cut the course, have someone run a qualifying race for you. With all the GPS tracking devices, it's too easy to catch someone who cuts the course short. If you do have someone BQ for you, make sure they look like you or have them wear a disguise so they at least have your hair and coloring, for the course photos.

8. Make sure that your qualifying pace isn't too far off from your norm. If you are normally a 5-hour marathoner, it might be a little too obvious if your BQ is 3:00.

9. There's always the option to bandit the race. Prior to the 2013 bombings, banditting, while not encouraged, was accepted. With the tighter security, running as a bandit is a little tougher now. You just have to be crafty about it.

10. Oh, and don't go all self-righteous on social media and draw attention to yourself and the sacrifices you made to get to Boston. Especially if you have something to hide. That's the kind of thing that gets the internet interested.

11. Of course, you could always buy a bib. But proceed with caution. It could be a forgery. I'd advise making sure the bib you buy is from someone who is about the same age and sex as you. It could turn out to be kind of embarrassing if you are a woman who won her age group but look like a man in your pictures.

12. Just a few years ago, wannabe runners were downloading copies of Boston bibs that real runners were posting on social media and making them into their own bibs. While now most runners are pretty savvy about not doing that, wearing forged bibs is still happening.

13. Swallow your pride and shut down your conscience. Keep it on the down low. Tell yourself that guilt is a useless emotion. Because if you cheat to BQ, you will be stealing a spot from someone who may actually have earned an entry but didn't make the time cut-off. If you can live with that, then remember this: karma is a bitch.

Did you really think I was going to encourage you to cheat to earn a BQ? For those of you that aren't fluent in sarcasm, this entire post was farcical. However, the highlighted links are all true stories of BQ cheaters.

I loathe cheaters. Actually, I'm stunned at the amount of cheating that goes on in the running world. For the most part, runners are a really honest group of people--sometimes honest to a fault. I guess every group has a couple of bad apples. To them I say, welcome to the Great Liars in Running Hall of Shame. And kudos to Derek at Marathon Investigations. His tireless work towards exposing cheaters is going to make racing better for all of us. It's intriguing that there are a few runners who are hitting back at him for exposing the cheaters. We live in an interesting world.

Hey, a runner can dream, can't she?

Do you want to run Boston? Would you risk it all to get a BQ? How do you feel about people who cheat to BQ? 

I'm linking this post with Marcia, Erika, and Patti for Tuesdays on the Run and Debbie, Susie, Rachel, and Lora for Coaches Corner.