async="src="/ Taking the Long Way Home: Runfessions: I Don't Have Any, Really...

Thursday, September 24, 2020

Runfessions: I Don't Have Any, Really...

 No runfessions? Who me? I kid you not. The world is crumbling around me and it seems like the only good thing right now is running. My runs are my escape and my therapy.

But as she does every month at this time, Marcia opens up the runfessional, where we runners get to 'fess our running sins and cleanse our soles. I can't miss the opportunity for absolution, right? 

I can do this. Heck, I was raised Catholic and back in the day, I had to dig deep to come up with sins to confess. Imagine being the priest and having to listen to a little girl confessing that she got in a fight with her sister or didn't make her bed. My penance was usually a few Hail Marys and some Our Fathers. Priests probably live for juicy confessions--but that makes me wonder, do people ever really confess major sins?

I runfess... that I'm back to running 3 days per week and I miss that extra day of miles. When I was training for Ice Age, I bumped my running up to 4 days per week, which is what I used to do, and it really felt right. You know what doesn't feel right? Getting up at 4:30 to run in the dark. The struggle is real and I need to figure out how to make 4 days per week happen. 


I runfess... that I brazenly ran through construction barriers on the bike path earlier this month. It's not like they didn't try to keep me out. After all, they took out the bridges over the creek! And there was that locked fence I had to run around. But a runner's gotta run, right?


I runfess... that I had serious regrets after running the Naperville Trails (virtual) half marathon. I felt SO BAD during that race that I am now scared to run my upcoming live half marathon on October 3. In fact, I was anxious before my first run after the race. That has never happened to me in all my 30-odd years of running. I hope it never happens again!


I runfess... to feeling the FOMO when I read other bloggers recaps of their Peloton workouts. They're all chatting about certain instructors and classes and I'm over here going "I love my solo runs". It's a definite shift in what people are doing to stay fit and while I get it, it's an odd feeling being on the outside looking in. There's a ton of merch too. Denis Morton leggings anyone? 

etsy.com

I runfess... to a never-ending pervasive anxiety about the future--both in my personal life and in our country. I feel like we are all on a crazy train that is about to go off the rails. And now that song is going through your head. Mine too, because we are in this together. 


I guess I had a few things to share. What do you have to runfess? How do you feel about running in the dark? Do you let construction barriers stop you? Have you ever been traumatized by a race? Are you a Peloton fanatic? How are you handling the continuing unrest in our country? Me, I try to keep a sense of humor about it. Laughter really is the best medicine. So is running. So is wine. And no, I wasn't drinking while I wrote this post. 

I'm linking up with Marcia for Runfessions and with Fridays with Fairytales and Fitness.


37 comments :

  1. On my marathon training route there was often a sign that the path was closed. I'd always go to see just how impassable it actually was. Usually it was horribly flooded and I'd have to turn back but you've gotta try, right? I agree these months leading up to election day will most definitely be a crazy train. I only run in the dark when it's so hot it's the only option. I don't like it at all.

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    1. 2020 has been like a nightmarish dodgeball game. It can all just stop!

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  2. Yes. I have run through closed gate or two.

    I’ve been so slow that I am nervous to run a real race. We have one Nov 15. May stay in my safe slow bubble a while longer.

    Nope. No Peleton for me. I like being outdoors doing my own thing. But yes. Everyone seems to having fun.

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    1. Running slow doesn't make me nervous! But feeling like I did--I don't want to go down that road again.

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  3. I agree with the Peloton thing...I really feel like an outsider who hasn't been invited to the party (or maybe I just declined the invite LOL). These times are crazy, and they are tough...the best we can do is just take each day as it comes and focus on conquering that. That said, I do look forward to the future when things will return to (somewhat) normal. Hang in there ((hugs))

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    1. Normal? What is normal? I don't think normal is coming back. Maybe a new normal? I'll take anything over what we're dealing with right now. What a year.

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  4. I'm not a fan of running in the dark at all. Almost never do it. Although I used to like to do it when Christmas lights were out. Somehow I never run in the afternoon/evening anymore.

    I only had one race where I literally felt horrible, most likely mild food poisoning. I had my 18 miler coming up not long after that though, so I got back on the horse. I haven't had a salad before a race since though (because my husband & I shared the other food).

    As bad as this year has been, I remain hopeful because sometimes you need those really awful times to create change for the good. Let's hope that's what's going to happen!

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    1. I know we were due for a reset. Things were really getting out of control in so many ways. But the awful is really wearing on me and it just keeps getting more awful.

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  5. I do not like running in the dark. I have not jumped on the Peleton bandwagon yet. My gym is open and I am back to teaching my group fitness classes. Have a great weekend!

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  6. So much to dive into here...I'm not Catholic but I went to Catholic grade school, and you brought back the memories of having to come up with "something" for the confessional. But you did great! I runfess that I have taken full advantage of WFH running and do not miss getting up at 5:30 to run on the treadmill one bit. I runfess that I am scared, very scared to run a virtual half tomorrow but excited at the same time. And yes I have FOMO on Peleton but I don't plan to try it. I'm team "happy with my solo runs" though also team "lacking on the strength front so it might benefit me".

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    1. I finally quit on confession in my teen years. Like so much about religion, it just didn't make sense to me. Why would a priest need to absolve me ? My mom just had fits over it, lol.

      I feel like I'm in good company here with regards to Peloton. This girl is a runner!

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  7. We have a bunch of construction going on around us so sometimes we sneak around some barriers if it looks safe. I am not a running in the dark girl unless I am doing a Ragnar. As you know, I am huge Peloton fan I have drank the Kool aid. There is so much to keep me busy I don't see myself ever going back to a class or trainer. Were those leggings for me? lol :)

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    1. Yes they were! Glad you picked up on that! I put the link in, just for you!

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  8. As you know, my anxiety has been pretty bad this month so I can totally relate to your last runfession. Things are pretty bad but I have to believe that we will come out on the other side of this stronger.

    I love the Peloton community, but I really love the instructors/ Since I haven't done any group runs in months, I do a lot of treadmill/outdoor runs on the app and it makes me feel like someone is running with me :)

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    1. Oh Kim, I am so with you on this. What a terrible time we are living in. Altho now I have something new to take my mind off current affairs. I'd rather be stressed about current affairs.

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  9. No Pelaton here.

    I adore running in the dark (yes I know, I'm crazy). But it's quiet, peaceful and I'm alone with my thoughts. The stars are always beautiful, the moon too (yes, when it's not cloudy). In short, it's perfect.

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    1. You're not crazy! I'm just worried about falling. But I'm going to have to get over it. It was pretty dark at 6:30 when I went out and we aren't even at the bottom yet.

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    2. Two things: first left you a comment on my site, and second, get some knuckle lights! They are super easy to carry, not at all annoying and they work. I usually run w/ just one although they come as a pair. You can find them on Amazon.

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  10. While I'm a big fan of fall running, I'm not at all loving the shorter days. I've never been a fan of running in the dark.

    Yep - I've gone all in on Peloton. It's been a great alternative for working out, especially given how meh I was feeling about running this summer.

    My anxiety about the future is really off the charts these days! While I felt like I was holding it together pretty well the first few month, as this year drags on and the news keep getting worse it's starting to affect me.

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    1. Last night I kind of lost it with my husband. It's been a tough time and I just wish it would stop raining bad news on all of us.

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  11. I got scared going out in the dark the other day but I have to get on with it or I won't be able to do my early runs in winter. I have flouro and reflective stuff and lights and the streets are lit ...

    I'm getting the Peleton app so I can replace my gym membership and get use out of my machines without getting bored stupid. But I can't see it replacing my solo runs!

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    1. I tried the Peloton app last spring and I loved it! But I have my strength coach and that is all i need right now.

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  12. I got scared on the last leg of my run/walk last night and realized I didn't have any good songs to sing to scare the bears and attack-deer I was imagining! The ones I picked were pathetic... I need to have figure out a couple stand-bys to practice to have ready! The sun goes down earlier and earlier - I'm not ready for the darkness!
    It's so hard... so many family members and friends struggling and me sometimes too, many who won't talk about it. Thank you for your real sharing

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    1. I'm so glad you are reading and running. Life is so hard right now. We need to stick together.

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  13. Oh, Wendy. I have been feeling anxious on my long runs too. It's terrible! No wonder with everything that is going on in the world right now. You and I are experienced runners. We love running. We will get through this.

    When we ran in Illinois this summer, we came across barriers across the trail we were on too. I was going to turn around, but Bill went right around them and I followed. It wasn't the first time he lead me astray! :)

    So funny that once you got going, you did fins some (very menial) sins to confess.

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    1. I live life fully and sometimes that means pushing myself into iffy areas...what can I say? It probably doesn't help my anxiety, but no regrets. It's been a really hard year.

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  14. I runfess that I've had alot of wine over the past 6 months! If I want to run alone it has to happen early. I am usually up by 4 or 4:30 anyway, so I don't mind the early wake ups. But I definitely appreciate days when I can run in the daylight.

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    1. Yeah, definitely like running in the daylight over the dark!!!

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  15. I keep saying I want to quit my daily runs, but the weather has been so great and the runs just FEEL good. My 5K loop is just magical and shorter than I ever would have run before, when 4 or 5 miles was a “minimum” that made it worth it. I guess I am guilty of being in the Peloton crowd, but you are GOING to cross fit workouts while I am in my basement sweating it out via an app. ;-)

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  16. Big Hugs - Laugh Often - Smile On

    Cheers

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  17. Hey Wendy! As a woman, I don't think it is safe to run in the dark, and as a Black person, it definitely is not safe to run in the dark. As for traumatized by a race, I was traumatized by my first and only marathon. 13.1 is the distance for me! I do not have a Peloton, but I did buy a stationary bike this summer. I use another company for streaming workouts, and I love it! Finally, as for the unrest, I don't want to get into it too much, but I will say this: a black woman's life being worth less than apartment walls is discouraging and infuriating.

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    1. There's a GREAT article on Outside Magazine about what you talk about: https://www.outsideonline.com/2416929/out-there-nobody-can-hear-you-scream

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  18. <3 <3 <3 It's all I can say. Things are just so upsetting - every day I wake up to worse and worse news. I hate it.

    I'm supposed to be running four days a week for my training plan, but I'm nervous to add that fourth day.

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  19. Hey Wendy! My computer was being wonky: I'm the "Unknown" on the 26th at 2:09PM. Anyway, that is a great article, and puts into words my feelings. I with more people took the time to put themselves in others' shoes to understand how we feel. I don't need to try to understand a white person's perspective: the entire country tells me every day (TV, movies, radio, news, SM). What I DO need is for someone to believe me when I say this is how I feel. It doesn't matter that I live in a suburb, have two degrees, have "assimilated". At the end of the day, I am still a Black woman in America.

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