It's been a warm week, at least by February standards, and the snow is melting! At one point, we had 28 inches on the ground so the melt is a process, but patches of grass are peeking through the snow. My neighbor spied some green popping through the dirt and realized it was her daffodils! After such a cold and snowy month, this is a welcome sight. The people I saw wearing shorts and tank tops? Well, you can't blame them for a little wishful thinking. And yes, it's a great time to be a runner!
It's the end of February and I could not be happier. It's been a long, cold month, the pandemic rages on, and really, doesn't every day right now feel like groundhog day? I almost considered not runfessing this month, you know, same old, same old, but my soles are heavy and in need of absolution. I haven't missed a monthly runfession session yet. Thank goodness Marcia opens the runfessional on the last Friday of every month. And here we go...
In spite of the continued cold temperatures and yet another snowstorm on our doorstep, optimism is in the air. The sun has been shining most days this week and that always makes the coldest day feel warm, right? I'm not downplaying the devastating conditions that have hit our friends in the south. Living in the midwest, we know how to "do" winter and while we may complain about it, we are able to move through the snow and life goes on.
Sadly, though, winter proved to be a formidable foe as last weekend my husband drove up to the lake to check on the house and walked into burst pipes and water everywhere. We always leave the heat and water on as a preventative measure, but due to this prolonged bitter cold spell, the frost line is too deep. What a mess! He was able to get a cleaning service and a plumber to get the repairs started. Dealing with the insurance company was much more difficult and they reminded him that they are busy with the Texas disaster. The good thing is that we will be able to do some much needed purging and renovations. My hubs is back up there this weekend, pulling out the carpet and filling up a dumpster with years of accumulated stuff. Me, I stayed home with Cocoa, who would have only gotten in the way of this big project.
Disclaimer: The information in this post is educational only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or psychological advice. If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255. This post contains an affiliate link.
Got anxiety?
I do. Full disclosure, I am a high-strung, type A person. Oh, sure, laugh. I know it's pretty obvious. Those of you who know me are not going to be surprised by this disclosure.
Looking back on my childhood, I was an anxious child, but in those days, the attitude was 'suck it up'. No one talked about anxiety or depression. There was no therapy--at least not in the small town where I grew up. So it's no wonder that I didn't develop much in the way of effective coping skills. By the time I hit my 20s, I turned to some pretty maladaptive coping mechanisms to manage my nerves.
As you might expect, that didn't work out so well for me, and long story short, I discovered running. Running helped me burn off that nervous energy and helped me calm myself. Running also gave me self-confidence, which helped me feel a sense of control over my life. Unfortunately, running and fitness weren't always the answer. Occasionally, I've had to deal with overwhelming anxiety that couldn't be relieved by a good pavement pounding.
Like now.
The events of the past year--the pandemic and the political unrest--have really stoked the anxiety fires. I know it's not just me. I'm seeing it in my young patients and their parents too. But just because so many other people are feeling this way, it's not a misery loves company thing. Instead, it just makes me feel all the more helpless. Add to that the social isolation, the recent assault on the Capitol, and this never-ending cold, snowy winter-- well, I recently came as close to falling apart as I have in years.
🎶If you can't be with the run you love, love the run you're with...🎶 (apologies to Stephen Stills)
Another week of bitter cold and snow. I read today that we've had snow the past 8 out of 9 days and more is predicted for tomorrow. We have over 2 feet of snow on the ground right now. My car so completely crusted with road salt that you can't tell what color it is. I like snow and all, but really, guys, it can all melt now. The only one who is still loving the snow is my dog, Cocoa. Goofball.
Running has been a challenge, both due to the conditions underfoot and the limited availability of places to run. The cold is also an issue, but in spite of it, I did get outside for 3 runs this week. Did you read my post on dressing for winter running? I took my own advice as I prepared to run outside this week. In spite of the frigid, frozen conditions, I enjoyed those outdoor runs! There's always something special about getting out in the fresh air, no matter how cold it is. And (grumble grumble) I do have to admit that it's really pretty.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
After last weekend's trail race, I received a lot of questions about what gear I wore on that bitterly cold, snowy run. I've been running for 30 years and living in the Midwest, you either suck it up and go no matter how cold it gets or you run on the treadmill. I think you know what I do. The only thing that keeps me inside is ice.
Here's how I dress for the cold.
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And we're in the middle of a never-ending pandemic...don't forget that. Live events are a rarity and I'm thrilled that the race director was able to pull this one off. It was a very small event, limited to 75 runners. The excitement of running a live race waned quickly with the arrival of bitterly cold temperatures. In fact, I had to really convince myself not to DNS. Reminding myself how fortunate I was to have a live event to look forward to really was the deciding factor. It's not like I haven't run in the cold before, either. I have all the gear including that awesome NorthFace thermoball jacket. I also recently purchased a SmartWool running skirt, which I wore over my tights. So off I went and I will share more details below.
As I mentioned on my Coffee Talk post, I've been struggling with motivation lately. I was doing ok, but once we got the big snows of the past couple of weeks, my trails were inaccessible. I was suddenly really limited to where I could run. Couple that with the cold, windy weather that arrived this week and an RA pain flare on Tuesday...well, it's been mentally challenging. Outdoor running has been my therapy for over 30 years and I need it now more than ever. I am determined to suck it up and get outside no matter what, even if it is only for a few miles. My race on Saturday proved to me how important that is right now.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
Let's catch up over coffee! I've got Allegro Organic Hardwired brewing; this bag of coffee benefits the National MS Society through the Team Left Hand's Bike MS Team. Bike MS is the largest fundraising bike series in the world. I do love me a cup of socially conscious coffee! Mine has a splash of half and half and a scoop of GLG Collagen.
Are we runfessing today? It is the last Friday of January, after all, and I runfess that I am happy about that! For those of us in Chicago, January is not usually a treat. The cold, wind, and relentless gray...it kind of wears a runner down. I guess I feel like with the continuation of the pandemic, this January the weather is merely a footnote. I runfess that I am enjoying the snow. But there is always something to get off my chest, so here we go:
Literally and figuratively. More on the actual cold weather below.
But first, on Wednesday, I came home from my snowy trail run just in time to witness the Presidential swearing-in ceremony. I am not one to cry at events like this but this time the tears flowed and they kept flowing all the way through Amanda Gorman's beautiful poem. When Garth Brooks sang Amazing Grace, I was a hot mess. I had to get myself together and ready for work.
In spite of the cold weather that day, I felt as if a warm summer breeze was blowing; the anxiety and sadness that had been weighing me down for much of the past year started to melt away. Democracy prevailed! There was so much hope and promise at that ceremony. For those of us who refuse to subscribe to conspiracy theories, lies, and hate, there was the realization that things are going to get better. It won't happen overnight, but yeah, the future looks bright.
"There is always light. If only we are brave enough to see it. If we are brave enough to be it."
~Amanda Gorman, The Hill We Climb
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| Friday's cold run |
Who doesn't love Trader Joe's? I'm fortunate to live less than a mile from the iconic grocery store. Trader Joe's has grocery staples, but also many unique items that you suddenly find you can't live without! The store is constantly introducing new items and rotating seasonal items in and out of the store. I've been shopping there more frequently since the pandemic started due to their strict masking policy. Employees have been limiting the number of people allowed in the store at any time.
Today I'm sharing 5 of my favorite items from Trader Joe's! Only 5? It wasn't easy to narrow it down, but these 5 items are currently the ones that send me back to the store for more.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
I'm not going to lie--What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami has been sitting on my nightstand on my TBR (to-be-read) pile for a few years now. There used to be a book exchange at CrossFit, this book was in the pile there, and since I'd never read this so-called classic running book, I brought it home, and there it sat. I don't know what took me so long to read it. There were mixed reviews, for sure, and more appealing books came my way. Plus, it was published in 2006--was it even still relevant? I decided to find out.
So what does Haruki Murakami talk about when he talks about running? Sometimes, not much. Other times, he says a great deal. And was it worth the read? Bottom line: Yes. Is what Murakami writes about still relevant? Absolutely.
Disclaimer: I received a HALOLIFE sport mask in exchange for my honest review.
This week, I finally got on top of my anxiety and started to feel a lot more like myself. With the tumultuous events of the previous week behind us, that awesome virtual trail race I ran last weekend, and a few good nights' sleep, I have been much calmer. I'm feeling really good following the second dose of the COVID vaccine. Even though there is still so much unrest and uncertainty, I am hoping that remembering the word I chose for this year, STRONG, will help guide me through the upcoming bumpy days.
As always, this week there was running and there was lifting. I can't be mentally strong if I'm not physically strong, right?
"In the midst of winter, I found that there was within me, an invicible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there is something stronger, something better, pushing right back." ~ Albert Camus.
Holy shit, it was A WEEK.
Sorry for the salty language, but yeah, it's been a week. We've been watching The History of Swear Words on Netflix and it is a hilarious look at swearing. It's definitely not for everyone, but for this first week of 2021, it seems to fit quite well. Laughter is the best medicine and this show gave me a much-needed release from the omnipresent anxiety that not only am I experiencing, but am seeing in friends, family, and patients as well.
Who could have predicted the horrendous events that took place this week in our nation's capitol? There were warnings, but judging by the carnage, no one seemed to take them seriously. The tumultuous past couple of years have turned the country into a pressure cooker, although some say the pressure has been building for years. So many people make the comment that 'they aren't political' or even that 'it doesn't matter who is in office'. We have to make sure nothing like this ever happens again. Even if it means 'being political', whatever the hell that means. If you think your vote doesn't count, well, this week really proved that it does.
I feel like for the past year I've needed to have a disclaimer in my posts: This is not a political blog. This is a running blog. All opinions posted here are mine. I'd like to get back to the business of just writing about running. Heck (hell?), I just want to run. Have I told you lately how much I love to run? This week, there was plenty of that.
In one way or another, 2020 was the year that challenged all of us. How could it not? From politics to the pandemic, we've all had to adapt and figure out how to survive these trying times. Running was the key to keeping me sane this year. But running was different this year too. Races were canceled and group runs were not happening. Virtual runs and challenges became a thing. Initially a novelty, for this runner, virtual runs grew old really fast.
How to sum up the year that was 2020? There were a lot of lessons to be learned, for sure. Instead of just writing a recap of the year--you can certainly read my 2020 racing recap here--I decided to do a self-reflection of my year as it related to running. These questions were taken from a Psychology Today article; I adapted them to fit my purpose of evaluating my running and fitness from 2020.
I'm not a goal setter or a resolution maker, in fact, my goals evolved as the year played out. These questions helped me frame my year in a positive way, which was really helpful in light of the year that was 2020. This exercise also helped direct my thinking towards 2021. I'm looking forward to using my answers to help me decide on my plans for the upcoming year. It's not going to be a normal year, either, so it's good to be ready for whatever comes our way!
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| Newport State Park, June 2020 |
New year, same old song and dance lol! I really wish that with the flip of the calendar, we'd have a clean slate and things would return to some semblance of normal. Not so much--the COVID rages on--but one thing remains constant: running and fitness. I ended the year with a hard strength session and a big hug (like, she wouldn't let go) from my coach. The new year started with a trail run. In spite of all the turmoil around me, I'm happy to have one thing that is constant: running.
Running got me through 2020; I'm happy to continue the wave into 2021.
Here's to hoping for a better year!
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| 1200 miles for 2020! |
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
Happy New Year! Happy NEW YEAR!!! Have any of us ever been so glad to welcome in a new year? I can only wish that with the flip of the calendar, we could flip a switch on life as it is right now. Sadly, no. The pandemic rages on, complete with new strains and continued discontent around us. But I'm not going to dwell on any of that. I'm hopeful for good things to come this year and that's how we should start a new year. Clean slate and all that, right?
It's time to catch up on our first coffee date of the year. What's in your cup? I've got a fresh pot of Dunkin' Donuts coffee brewing. Sipping on it as we speak, along with a scoop of GLG collagen, and that most important splash of half and half.
Disclaimer: This post contains an affiliate link.
Christmas 2020 was unlike any other as we celebrated, socially distant. Christmas Eve was just the 4 of us, with homemade pizza. After dinner, my youngest son's girlfriend joined us for a lively game of Fibbage, followed by Quiplash. We spent the evening laughing ourselves silly. Christmas Day was again just the 4 of us. We opened our gifts, did a Zoom exchange with my parents, sisters, and their families, and enjoyed a roasted goose for dinner.
Prior to the holiday, my youngest son started complaining of a sore throat on Tuesday; by Wednesday he had a fever. I was feeling a little panicked. He swore up and down that he hadn't been exposed. I believed him--none of his 8 housemates have had COVID and a recent COVID antibody test was negative. I was pretty sure that my immunity to the virus from the vaccine I received less than a week ago wasn't very strong at that point, and inwardly I crumbled.
The next day I took my still febrile son to the immediate care at my office. He was swabbed for COVID, flu, and strep and tested for mono, even though it was too soon for the monospot to be reliable. Everything was negative, which was kind of a mixed blessing. I mean, I don't want him to have anything, but clearly, he did, and wouldn't it be better to know what it was?
Relieved about that negative COVID test, but knowing there was still the possibility of a false negative, I was glad that we already planned on a socially distant holiday at home. The risk of exposing my extended family to whatever he had would have forced that anyway. As the weekend progressed, my son's sore throat got worse and the fever continued. His symptoms didn't seem like typical COVID. We got late-breaking test results this morninng: it's non-group A strep, a variation that we don't normally treat. I offered to call in a prescription of antibiotics for him since he's still pretty miserable, but he's going to tough it out. Just like a man, lol.
This is where we're at right now-- where every illness is COVID until proven otherwise, but anything else is preferable.
Guys, I am so tired of COVID, but I can't just ignore it. I am faced with it every day in my job. We are so close to getting on top of it, but people just can't seem to get that. If I get a little salty about it, please consider my perspective.
Weekly Rundown
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| a beautiful cold bluebird day! |
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| Cocoa testing out my new plyo box |
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| My sunroof came in handy for photos |
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| my sick boy and nurse Cocoa |
It might be Christmas Day, but it's also the last Friday of the month. That means only one thing--we get to runfess! Marcia has generously opened the runfessional today. I've got a few things to runfess. I know, shocker, right?
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| A gift from a friend |
This week was remarkable for how COVID began closing in on my world. My husband came home from work every day with an announcement that yet another person or 2 working on his job tested positive, finally shutting down the job for a day for cleaning. One of the doctors that I work with tested positive on Wednesday. Her medical assistant was already out, recovering from the illness. I sit next to them in our work area. It's been frightening and too close for comfort.
It's like playing COVID roulette.
My family has planned for a socially distant Christmas celebration. Shopping was done early so the gifts could be shipped to recipients in time for a Zoom gift exchange. It's not the holiday any of us want, but we've got family members who are at high risk for complications.
I'd sure feel bad if I gave anyone COVID for Christmas; the guilt I'd feel from that far outweighs any guilt I might feel from skipping a holiday celebration this year. This isn't the Christmas that any of us want. It's been the year that none of us wanted. We're all tired of it. But as the cases continue to rise, don't let down your guard. Keep wearing your masks and keep your distance.
There is good news, however. Today, after my run, I went to the hospital and received my first dose of the Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine. I feel like I won the lottery. When I found out on Friday that I was on the list to receive the vaccine, the sense of relief nearly brought me to tears. I feel very, very fortunate. Here's to hoping that this is the first step towards a return to normalcy.
Disclaimer: As an ambassador for All Community Events, I received free race entries.
When 2020 started, I declared that I had goals, but I was 'keeping them close to the vest'. What was I thinking about for the upcoming year? I really was excited for a trail race in the Everglades in March. Whomp whomp. COVID and my son's snowboarding accident put a kibosh on those plans.
I also shared my spring race plans, which included a race on the ice in Madison, a race at the Chicago Auto Show, the Shamrock Shuffle, the CARA Lakefront 10 miler, and the Chicagoland Spring Half Marathon. Whomp, whomp again. I only ran one of these, although I did receive the medal for that 10 miler in the mail. Thanks to the Chicago lakefront path being shut down for half of the year, I never truly earned it, although I ran plenty of 10 mile runs this year. Does one of them count? Can I hang that medal on my medal rack?
Everything changed this year, didn't it?
With pretty much everything canceled, I fell in love with trail running, did a 12 week virtual challenge, ran a few virtual halfs, and yes, eventually ran a few live races. This was definitely not the year any of us had planned for. But we runners pushed on. I kept seeing the words "running is not canceled" and nope, it wasn't. Running took us outside where we could socially distance and breathe freely. Running made us grateful for what we could do. COVID couldn't take running away from us.
This isn't my typical end of the year race recap. Compiling this list was a bit of a challenge. Some of the races I ran had bling, some didn't, a few races were live, but most weren't. As an ambassador for ACE and CARA, I ran quite a few virtual 5ks and 10ks, which I didn't include in this recap. I also ran a distance challenge, which helped me push my monthly miles up during the 2 months while I did it. While I'm grateful for all the efforts race directors made to keep runners challenged, after this year, I hope to never run another virtual race again.
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| on the IAT |
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Let's sit down and catch up over coffee! It's the final coffee date of 2020--a year that I think most of us are ready to see come to an end. I'm torn between unleashing on this terrible year and keeping it light and festive. There's just so much to talk about. After spending so much time in isolation, I may just talk your ear off.
What are you having? Today, I'm enjoying a complimentary cup of Starbucks with half and half. For the month of December, all frontline healthcare workers can get free regular coffee. I'm not a fancy coffee drink person, so this suits me well.
In spite of all that's going on right now, I've found that it's the little things in my life that are giving me joy. Pour yourself a big cup of your favorite beverage while we talk about them.
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links.
After many months of feeling really good, this week rheumatoid arthritis awoke from its hibernation and unleashed some hurt on me. I don't know if it was due to the Humira wean my rheumatologist had me doing or if it was the rainy, cold weather we had this week, but I was not feeling good. With my final half marathon of the year (virtual) scheduled for Saturday, I wasn't even sure if that was going to happen.
Fortunately, I finally had a good nights' sleep on Friday and woke up Saturday to sunshine and much less pain. Was it the Chil Wellness salve I slathered all over my joints the night before? I don't know but I was really grateful for feeling better. I was determined to run my race and I was rewarded with a strong run. I'm sharing the details below. This was my last virtual race of the year and hopefully forever. I'm so over virtual racing and ready to get back to live events. But who knows what 2021 will bring?
It's Black Friday and instead of shopping for bargains, I'm at the runfessional. Actually, if you're reading this on Friday, I'm at work and hoping to get some online bargains in between seeing patients. I do have a few runfessions, because what real runner doesn't? Marcia opens the runfessional on the last Friday of every month and I am so thankful for the opportunity to cleanse my soles.
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I have to admit that initially upon its release, I wasn't interested in reading Matt Hart's Win At All Costs; Inside Nike Running and Its Culture of Deception. I'd heard the stories about Alberto Salazar, the famed coach, who has been banned from running and racing because of doping allegations. I'd heard the rumors about Galen Rupp, Salazar's protegé, thought to be heavily involved in doping. I read the stories about Kara Goucher's defection to Oiselle and never quite understood it. Last fall, young running phenom Mary Cain, came out against Salazar and his abusive comments about her weight.
This is all very interesting, especially to those of us in running. Would a book that detailed the years of allegations against Salazar and Nike be a good read? Well, after reading Alex Hutchinson's recommendation--and for the life of me, I can't find it--I decided to pick it up.
I'm so glad I did. It's a fascinating read and so well written, I couldn't put it down. In fact, some of the stories are so outrageous, you might forget this is a fact-based book! But for Nike and Salazar, it was all about winning--at any cost.
Disclaimer: This post contains an affiliate link.
With Thanksgiving coming up this week, it's the perfect time to reflect on all there is to be grateful for. It's easy to get caught up in all the negativity that has surrounded us for much of 2020. I'm not going to focus on that today. Instead, I want to focus on my year of fitness, which has been a bright spot for me.
After 4 years of struggling with rheumatoid arthritis, my disease is currently under control and I'm feeling really good. I always want to pinch myself when I say that because when you live with a chronic illness, you know that the rug can be pulled out from under you at any time. I've been pushing my body pretty hard this year, which has always been something I do when I'm feeling anxious or stressed. Fortunately, my body hasn't pushed back, instead responding to the challenge and giving me some fast runs and heavy lifts. For that, I am grateful.
I am grateful that I discovered trail running this year. Not only did I make some new furry friends out in the woods, the trails force me to slow down and enjoy the ride. The trails aren't smooth and there are plenty of obstacles--think tree roots, stumps, and holes--which have improved my agility. Trail running is humbling because for me, it's more difficult than road running. I can't just dial up my music and zone out like I can on the roads. Trail running been a great way to mix up my runs and as I age, I see myself spending more time on the trails.
I am grateful for the opportunites this year to test out my legs at some live races. While the races I ran this year were nothing like what I am used to, it was still a good to put all that training to the test. Running those races also made me realize how much I miss live races, nerves and all.
Finally, I am grateful to my strength coach for continuing to push me and helping me build muscles. Strength training is truly the fountain of youth. It might not erase my wrinkles, but being strong keeps my joints happy and allows me to do the thing I love most, running. I also can keep up with my grown sons, which has always been a goal of mine. They inspired the tag line on my blog, "sitting on the sidelines is no fun!"
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. I received complimentary items from Smitty Lettering, RUNchie, Sudio, Tesalate, and roadID in exchange for social sharing.
The holidays are quickly approaching! In fact, I'm already participating in a gift exchange with some of my fellow bloggers. It's a lot of fun to see what everyone is asking for and receiving for the holidays. For this year's holiday gift list for runners, I'm sharing some items that I've tried out and liked. Several of the items I'm sharing are from smaller businesses. It's been a tough year for a lot of them and I want to show them some love!
Yes, this is a running blog, but I need to comment on what's happening with COVID. Because not only has it affected our sport, cancelling most races this year, but the rising numbers threaten to put many of us back on lockdown.
After keeping the spread of COVID under control all summer long, our numbers here in Illinois along with much of the country, are skyrocketing out of control. While we are at about a 14% positivity rate, Wisconsin is beyond ridiculous, with a positivity rate around 37%. I'm not sure if its complacency or the cold weather or what, but as the case count continues to climb, we're starting to shut down again. It's getting scary and it's getting old.
Last week, I had a mom bring her child in for COVID antibody testing. The parents had had the illness previously and mom wanted to know if the child had it too. When I called mom with the positive results, she told me that she had taken a COVID test prior to seeing me and was still testing positive. What the what? We are a non-COVID clinic. How did she get past the screeners at the front door? We were masked but still! We don't really know about people who stay positive long after their symptoms have resolved. Are they asymptomatic spreaders?
This is the reality of what's happening on the front lines. One of my partners had a patient come in this week with full blown COVID symptoms, but lied about the reason for the visit so he could be seen. Come on! Don't be selfish. Wear the damn mask and wear it correctly, over your nose. If you have symptoms, stay home. If you think it's no big deal, well, I don't know what to say to you.
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| Saturday's trail run |
When the Chicago Area Runners' Association announced a live trail race, I didn't care that it was only a 5k. Or that it was located about 40 miles from my home. All I could see was the word 'live'. And 'trail'. I was in.
We've had an unusually warm stretch of weather the past week leading up to the race. Instead of the blustery, cold conditions November usually brings, we've had sunshine and temperatures warming up to the 70s.
I've had a great fall season of running. My runs have felt good and I've found some speed again. With the beautiful weather on tap, I could not wait to run a live race and test out the legs in a competitive environment.
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| When your run isn't going so well, you kick up into a handstand. |
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Let's catch up over coffee! So much has happened this month that I don't even know where to start. I'm drinking Dunkin with a splash of half and half and a scoop of GLG collagen. I'm so boring. But I do love a cup of Dunkin! What will you have?
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| Ice Age Trail |
I runfess that... this October felt like the longest month ever. You feel me? Between the second--or third wave of COVID, does it even matter?-- and the election, I am just drained. More than ever, I am so grateful for running. As per usual, the end of the month signals the opening of the runfessional, courtesy of Marcia's Healthy Slice. It seems like I always have things to runfess!
Let's get to it.
It's been a crazy week--COVID is back with a vengeance, don't even get me started about the election, and the weather, well, it's a changing. By the minute, it would seem. Wouldn't it be nice to just go back to the calm and easy days of summer? Hang on, because I think we've got a bumpy ride ahead.
Thank goodness for running and fitness. Nothing helps me to roll with the times more than my runs. Even--or maybe especially the bad ones!
